A Brother Lost

I won’t pretend we were close. We both know that wasn’t the case. Yet, news of your passing rocked me to my core. Your wife asked what we remembered. I don’t want to tell her what I recall. I don’t want her to know the grief you caused. I don’t want to record those violent words spoken. I don’t want to add to her sorrow. She knows part of it, but I doubt that she knows it all. I don’t want her to know it all. I watched as your mother opened the special delivery package. I watched as her sorrow-etched face held your ashes. I watched as she placed them aside. I watched her question, “What next?” I watched the pain and closure engulf her. In the silence, I felt helpless. “Why?” You were such an athletic youth. You were such a devoted father. You had good dreams. Why did you cast them away? What prompted you to pursue destruction? Who guided you into this alternative way? When did the fractures of your heart first appear? Where did you find that final resting place? How are we to deal with all these unresolved questions? As I think of you, my brother, please understand, Your family never stopped loving you, through all the struggles, In the dark night of your soul. With nothing more we can do, we commit you to the care of your Creator, And say a quiet requiem for you.