A LANCASHIRE LIASON

A LANCASHIRE LIASON “Laugh an world laughs with yer” she said, as she cum in. I said,“ Do you live in a barn?” She grimaced an with er large left arm she swung out an shut door. “Are y’ ere to read last rites? No? Well tek your cap off then” She whipped the black wool hat from her head and settled down in the chair. I say settled down. She perched on the edge like a hawk waiting to dive at the plate of biscuits, jammy dodgers, for a her weekly visit. I had a builders brew all ready for her. “Well, what do you know Dorothy? Owt or Nowt?” She laughed in between crunching. “Do yer remember Mrs Newtons daughter, Susan?” I nodded. “Well she’s got another one living wi her, that’s three she’s ad now. This one’s a Derma Filler.” I said, “Well she’s ad a builder an a plumber, she might as well ave a plasterer.” She threw her head back laughing almost choking on the last bit of the last biscuit. “No, its stuff they put in yer face to tek your wrinkles away.” I smiled, “I know, just kidding wi yer . So tell me Dot, what else ave you got?.” She sighed, “Not a lot an don’t call me Dot, meks mi sound like a speck” I thought, ‘oh eck,’ “Well go on Dorothy, what about the lottery, did yer get near?” She snorted, “Did I eck as like, as far away as Katmandu” I said “I got 3 numbers, fifteen pounds” She looked fallen as she creased a smile, “Did you?” “Anyway" I said, "yer lookin well. Ow ar yer in yerself? ” As soon as it was out of my mouth I wish I hadn’t said it. She went on for the next hour about her bowels, I were glad to hear the clock strike 4. “Ey” I said,”that’s four o clock, yer gonna miss your bus!” She grabbed the hat, plonked it on her head and said, rushing to the door, “I’m off then Stanley, I ave to seh ‘time flies wen wer together, two of us” “It does that Dorothy, nice to see yer. See yer nex week” “Yeh, an it’s my turn for biscuits, I think I’ll mek yer a rhubarb tart dear” She leaned over me and pecked mi cheek. I thought after, ‘ee, its bin a long forty year.’