Not To Love

I'm so lost within my own words, I want to see a better path. The math doesn't add up to me to believe in dreams. The reality is, I'm upset because my heart has decided to do something different to accomplish and conquer love. When its only mear pieces of my former self left to fight. My soul is at war my body, a battlefield, violent. I'm silent with these mixed emotions, confusing me, I'm hurting daily, my harsh intentions has failed me, I can't explain these foreign feelings left within me. who do I turn to for answers of understanding when I'm a man, and fear is now my enemy for so long was my closest friend. I continue to feel lost because love doesn't love or care how I feel. It has taught me this in the past as laughter n tears follow in its wake. ....and the pain...it numbed me. Realize in the past, love was a mistake. Not sure of things so what's the truth behind how quickly my feelings of love build. What should I do? Why me now? The situation is not clear....wait...there a tear and fear on my shoulder wearing its head, shaking. Love is here for the taken I'm a causality in this chemical love affair, causing wells in my eyes to fill. All I wanted to do was to live n survive now I'm feeling like I'm lm loving to die. So unexplained when I have been trained, not to love.