4th Step Poem

I'm thankful for the stepping stones That lead me to solid ground. I’m not ashamed To go from a life of insanity To a mind that is sound. But, I will say Trial and error At first Is mostly what I found. I discovered that pain Can and does run deep. It’s through my dreams That my trauma weeps Every sunrise To every sunset I struggle to put my anger to rest. I struggle to defeat being overwhelmed. Yet, here I stand Holding onto hot coals With all my might, It’s never my goal to start a fight. What happens Will happen, But how I react Tells the story Of how hard my spirits have been broke. Sometimes my past deafens me And I feel so pissed that I can feel it in my bones. Moments like that Are what knock me off my throne. I still need work, There’s a process to progress And it’s not found in a shot, A pill Or at the bottom of a bottle. Forgive me for my honesty, For a higher power resides me. He is God, He broke the chains that surrounded me And showed me that the struggle wasn’t my story’s end. Searching for higher ground, In the depths of addiction Even I had ambiguity. I fought my demons I battled drugs, I climbed up from the trenches I thought, “I’ve finally won!” Sobriety is not easy, There are times I’ve faltered, Others when I failed. That’s why progress is a process, You must be prepared to lose some battles When you’re fighting a war. I spent so long at war with myself, I didn’t love nor respect myself, I hid in shame, Isolated myself. So used to meth Numbing my emotions I wasn’t living, I was surviving And now if you look at me You can see that I’m absolutely thriving. You see, I learned that rock bottom has a basement, That basement has a door that leads Straight to personalized purgatory. I ran away from who would have carried me Straight into the arms of an army of demons At the time it felt warm and welcoming. I experienced trauma, I put myself at risk. I stopped , I started, Hit the pause button on life, So I could hear relapse on repeat, I spiralled the drain. I almost gave up, I was spiritually broke, Insanity drove me to a higher power that would have mercy on me. I was exhausted, Traumatized, I wasn’t even able to get high. There has to be another way. Then one day it finally hit me, Enough was enough, And I was done, Ready to admit I was wrong, Ready to give something stronger than myself a chance. Even a slim one. It worked, Slowly, With many bumps in the road I regained sobriety. I respect myself, I forgive myself, I'm free.