Kaye S- Poet Free verse

42 Plus Plus Plus

There they were again, 
the double digits on my clock,
11:11; 1:01; 8:08; 14:14

Should they be significant?
I. Don't. Know.

Someone once told them they were.
In a freaky kind of way,
but I don't pay much mind.

It is just kind of unnerving sometimes,
glancing at a clock. seeing those digits.

I sigh yet again,
because looking at clocks 
takes me someplace and sometime else.

I have found myself 
glancing at the time less
for an entirely different reason.

Anvil feeling within me now,
when before it was more like a feathery feel.

Going to that place
where I want to knock on your door.
In fact, I almost did today
but I unclenched my fist as my knuckles
almost hit the wood

It's not that I don't want to,
more like I feel you don't want me to.

And even if I did,
I find myself expecting that you won't open the door,
not that I don't have faith...

You see,
expecting is different from hoping.
Where expectations come from logic, the mind
and from  what you've so far shown,
I have come to expect that the door remains shut.
Playful sadness, coldness, sighness.

But I still hope, since that comes from the heart.

Damn it. The perennial hopeful in me. 

Am I foolish? Stupid? So be It.

At least I have faith, hope...love.
My fuel each day. 
Speeding along on track number 4.

Numbers running, running, flying
spanning greater distances between us,
and I feel that gap even more so now.

Numbers climbing, climbing each day
but there's one set of numbers
that I am hoping one day to see go up,
not stopping there.

42 plus plus plus.

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