Home » Poems » Jacqueline R. Mendoza » 3rd Child

3rd Child

My story is quite simple
My husband and I had been faithfully  
Correctly using birth control for almost 13 years 
We’d forgotten it only once

 Resulting in the birth of our second child in 2005 
However, in spite of proper use
Birth control failed again in 2015
After learning I was pregnant for the 3rd time

My husband and I sat down to discuss our options 
What a new child would mean for our family 
Money was tight, our marriage was struggling, and at nearly 40 
I didn’t feel that I could handle another pregnancy and childbirth 

At the end of our discussion 
My husband said,
 “We’ve never considered this before, but do you want this child?” 
I replied simply, “No.” 

He said he didn’t either, but that he’d support any decision I made.
At the end of our discussion


Even though it was his child
He recognized that the decision was ultimately mine
Living in Nevada, we didn’t have to deal with unreasonable restrictions 
There were no protesters to meet us at the clinic 

The only obstacle we faced 
No providers in the area took my insurance
We had to pay the $500 out of pocket 
I made the appointment for that Thursday

So that I wouldn’t miss any work
Less than a week after discovering I was pregnant
At the clinic
 I received a trans-l ultrasound to verify how far along I was: 4 weeks. 

The blastocyst was about the size of a sesame seed
Exactly what it looked like 
At such an early stage
A medical abortion was my only option 

I took the first pill at the clinic 
Was told most women don’t start bleeding heavily 
Until after taking the second pill the next day
I’m not most women 

Started bleeding heavily enough 
I had to leave work early Friday 
The pain didn’t start until after I took the second pill
It hurt, but was no worse than cramps amplified by food poisoning

I was glad for the pain medication the doctor had prescribed me
Then, it was over
I bled for about 3 weeks and then everything returned to normal. 
I admit some initial doubt that we were making the correct decision

Was willing to accept that doubt 
After about a year, that doubt has disappeared 
During the process
I didn’t feel alone because my husband was right there with me

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