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I remember being twelve,
Dreaming of being twenty-one.
Now I’m twenty-four,
Wondering if the girl in the mirror is proud of me.
The young, innocent me,
Dreaming of better days.
What a year that was,
Already feeling burdened,
Hoping I’d be free someday.
With a heavy heart,
I held on to the hope of falling in love,
Of walking together toward the sunset.
I always felt a little different,
Tired and numb from anxiety,
Alone—my safest space.
I'd watch the other kids,
Running free,
And I knew someday that would be me.
I grew up.
I fell in love,
And for a time, that was the happiest I’ve ever been.
Until they drained me,
Sucking all my energy—
My second heartache.
The older I get,
The more I see that little girl I used to be—
Tired, numb, but still hopeful.
Rolling with life's punches,
Dancing to the voices in my head
That tell me I’ll never be good enough.
But I’ve always known,
That someday I’d run free and breathe again.
For now, I’ll keep holding on,
Dreaming of when I’m forty-two.
Copyright © Bernice Makotanyane | Year Posted 2023
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