1-800-Giv-Me-Hope

I’ve put up all my defenses.
I don’t know if this time you’ll break through.
I’m hurting so bad we’re not like we used to be. 
I now take love as an enemy invasion. 
My heart is all barred up in a safe place where you can’t get to me.
I’m so alone and afraid. 
You never turn back, you just keep pushing through; like a soldier.
I wish I could be like you;
So strong, so brave, so carefree.
You just lock your feelings away and never let anyone in on your secrets.
I’m so afraid to let myself show,
No one knows me better.
You know my every move, my every thought;
You know me better than my own self.
I stumble down a road, blindly as a beggar.
I’d take hold of your hand if I knew where you were every time I stumble. 
But you left me there on that road, 
So dusty, so unclean as a demon.
The thought of never finding “home”;
Have crossed my mind too many.
Can’t you help me along my way;
Like the times you used to.
I see you hurt and now’s my chance to prove to you I can aide you.
But you just push me aside; 
Leaving me to fall into a depression.
My thoughts are scattered and unknown. 
Who knows what I might do next.
So in this troubled time,
Let me help you as you’ve done.
Consider it repayment for your love and caring acts of kindness.
 Let me have this one wish,
That I may be able to help you through this.
Can you just accept this from me?
And then you can go back to how you used to.
Just use me and I don’t care what you do then.
But I wish I could make our friendship stronger. 
I know I’m not her and I’m not asking to be
Just give me a chance at who I am.
Let me try to be a soul 
Who’s just aiding a friend in need.
I hope GOD answers my prayer, 
Leaving me some sort of answer.
Let it be something I can understand, 
So I know when to press on or when to stay.
And maybe then my heart will mend, leaving me without a doubt.
Knowing that HIS decisions right. 
I hope, however, you don’t just toy with my heart and then 
Leave one last time.

Copyright © Rachael Ni | Year Posted 2012

Please Login to post a comment