-the Determination To Heal-

So I had my spinal fusion last Thursday. It took a few days to be able to move without tears but I got through it with the grace of God. I will be celebrating 13 years of sobriety from pain pills March 7th, so this surgery was a very tough choice for me with pain relief options post op. But I am getting through it one minute at a time with the help of my family, friends and the Lord. Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers. I wrote this today while I am laid up. My healing has begun.... the truth lies in the depth of pain, when each step feels worse than the last- where only hope and faith can remain because of the injuries in my past i knew i could forge ahead with this choice, but i knew not the enduring agony i’d face, with little room to move and no voice, but i’m starting to feel God’s grace why do i barely write anymore? barely do what i adore- learning to close the door on the life of pain i led before i feared i could not live without moaning, thought i could never get past the straining- but today is the day i’ll start growing with only good days ahead remaining pain pills were the devil inside, thirteen years of sobriety i embraced- last thursday i took a pill and cried, in the hospital from pain the i faced why did i think i could have a major operation, without needing them to start to heal properly? stubbornness turned into determination because i realized i am a different me o, what a struggle to know i need the relief, what a way to feel with years of serenity- but i hold in my heart the belief that i did not ruin my beautiful sobriety _________________________ 2.9.22 -Luloo