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Poem	now pay attention (said the teacher) and look up here the children looked up this is william shakespeare four centuries up on a pedestal was shakespeare's head he was what we call a great man the children got sore necks looking up and some began to look down no no you mustn't look down (said the teacher) apart from winston churchill shakespeare was the greatest englishman who ever lived the children's eyes drained to their feet and their minds played around with their private parts shakespeare was once a schoolteacher who had a second best bed and he happened to write thirty six plays and sonnets and things he has a noble brow as you can see the children stared from a dusty old head and a mothridden beard two sour eyes glared down from being a bit bored then very bored the children began to have explosions going off in many parts of their bodies mutters came out of their mouths and then anger followed by flames shakespeare is a chauvinist pig (they screamed) why don't you piss off (they shrieked at the teacher) and take him with you now now children (said the teacher) shakespeare's language was always as noble as his brow he will be shocked to hear such words some of the class jumped on the teacher (as the young are inclined to nowadays) and the rest began to rock shakespeare's pedestal no please no children (cried the teacher) you know not what you do do you want to destroy all that is good in the world the rocking went on like an earthquake and slowly up four centuries of stone shakespeare's head began to wobble and all of a sudden it seemed to jump from its pedestal and drop shaking itself free of dust and a beardful of moths vandals desecrators (raged the teacher) wetting himself no doubt watch out (laughed the children) catch and the head fell safely into their outstretched hands the teacher shrank away (wet wet) terrified to be so close to the greatest but one of the greats the children flocked round curious to find what greatness was shakespeare blew his nose cleared his throat (the last of the dust) and said hello kids i'm famished what's to eat tell me about yourselves (and things like that) he had a real face and he spoke english with a kind of birmingham accent and he didn't seem to know much more than they did he was always pissing around (he told them) when he was their age the teacher gradually came back very surprised and (when he dared to look at himself) obviously very relieved he went away and began reading the plays and (discovering where he'd gone wrong) got out of teaching
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