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Best Famous Fair And Square Poems

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Written by Andrew Barton Paterson | Create an image from this poem

Saltbush Bills Second Flight

 The news came down on the Castlereagh, and went to the world at large, 
That twenty thousand travelling sheep, with Saltbush Bill in charge, 
Were drifting down from a dried-out run to ravage the Castlereagh; 
And the squatters swore when they heard the news, and wished they were well away: 
For the name and the fame of Saltbush Bill were over the country-side 
For the wonderful way that he fed his sheep, and the dodges and tricks he tried.
He would lose his way on a Main Stock Route, and stray to the squatters' grass; He would come to a run with the boss away, and swear he had leave to pass; And back of all and behind it all, as well the squatters knew, If he had to fight, he would fight all day, so long as his sheep got through: But this is the story of Stingy Smith, the owner of Hard Times Hill, And the way that he chanced on a fighting man to reckon with Saltbush Bill.
'Twas Stingy Smith on his stockyard sat, and prayed for an early Spring, When he started at sight of a clean-shaved tramp, who walked with a jaunty swing; For a clean-shaved tramp with a jaunty walk a-swinging along the track Is as rare a thing as a feathered frog on the desolate roads out back.
So the tramp he made for the travellers' hut, to ask could he camp the night; But Stingy Smith had a bright idea, and called to him, "Can you fight?" "Why, what's the game?" said the clean-shaved tramp, as he looked at him up and down; "If you want a battle, get off that fence, and I'll kill you for half-a-crown! But, Boss, you'd better not fight with me -- it wouldn't be fair nor right; I'm Stiffener Joe, from the Rocks Brigade, and I killed a man in a fight: I served two years for it, fair and square, and now I'm trampin' back, To look for a peaceful quiet life away on the outside track.
" "Oh, it's not myself, but a drover chap," said Stingy Smith with glee, "A bullying fellow called Saltbush Bill, and you are the man for me.
He's on the road with his hungry sheep, and he's certain to raise a row, For he's bullied the whole of the Castlereagh till he's got them under cow -- Just pick a quarrel and raise a fight, and leather him good and hard, And I'll take good care that his wretched sheep don't wander a half a yard.
It's a five-pound job if you belt him well -- do anything short of kill, For there isn't a beak on the Castlereagh will fine you for Saltbush Bill.
" "I'll take the job," said the fighting man; "and, hot as this cove appears, He'll stand no chance with a bloke like me, what's lived on the game for years; For he's maybe learnt in a boxing school, and sparred for a round or so, But I've fought all hands in a ten-foot ring each night in a travelling show; They earned a pound if they stayed three rounds, and they tried for it every night.
In a ten-foot ring! Oh, that's the game that teaches a bloke to fight, For they'd rush and clinch -- it was Dublin Rules, and we drew no colour line; And they all tried hard for to earn the pound, but they got no pound of mine.
If I saw no chance in the opening round I'd slog at their wind, and wait Till an opening came -- and it always came -- and I settled 'em, sure as fate; Left on the ribs and right on the jaw -- and, when the chance comes, make sure! And it's there a professional bloke like me gets home on an amateur: For it's my experience every day, and I make no doubt it's yours, That a third-class pro is an over-match for the best of the amateurs --" "Oh, take your swag to the travellers' hut," said Smith, "for you waste your breath; You've a first-class chance, if you lose the fight, of talking your man to death.
I'll tell the cook you're to have your grub, and see that you eat your fill, And come to the scratch all fit and well to leather this Saltbush Bill.
" 'Twas Saltbush Bill, and his travelling sheep were wending their weary way On the Main Stock Route, through the Hard Times Run, on their six-mile stage a day; And he strayed a mile from the Main Stock Route, and started to feed along, And when Stingy Smith came up Bill said that the Route was surveyed wrong; And he tried to prove that the sheep had rushed and strayed from their camp at night, But the fighting man he kicked Bill's dog, and of course that meant a fight.
So they sparred and fought, and they shifted ground, and never a sound was heard But the thudding fists on their brawny ribs, and the seconds' muttered word, Till the fighting man shot home his left on the ribs with a mighty clout, And his right flashed up with a half-arm blow -- and Saltbush Bill "went out".
He fell face down, and towards the blow; and their hearts with fear were filled, For he lay as still as a fallen tree, and they thought that he must be killed.
So Stingy Smith and the fighting man, they lifted him from the ground, And sent back home for a brandy-flask, and they slowly fetched him round; But his head was bad, and his jaw was hurt -- in fact, he could scarcely speak -- So they let him spell till he got his wits; and he camped on the run a week, While the travelling sheep went here and there, wherever they liked to stray, Till Saltbush Bill was fit once more for the track to the Castlereagh.
Then Stingy Smith he wrote a note, and gave to the fighting man: 'Twas writ to the boss of the neighbouring run, and thus the missive ran: "The man with this is a fighting man, one Stiffener Joe by name; He came near murdering Saltbush Bill, and I found it a costly game: But it's worth your while to employ the chap, for there isn't the slightest doubt You'll have no trouble from Saltbush Bill while this man hangs about.
" But an answer came by the next week's mail, with news that might well appal: "The man you sent with a note is not a fighting man at all! He has shaved his beard, and has cut his hair, but I spotted him at a look; He is Tom Devine, who has worked for years for Saltbush Bill as cook.
Bill coached him up in the fighting yard, and taught him the tale by rote, And they shammed to fight, and they got your grass, and divided your five-pound note.
'Twas a clean take-in; and you'll find it wise -- 'twill save you a lot of pelf -- When next you're hiring a fighting man, just fight him a round yourself.
" And the teamsters out on the Castlereagh, when they meet with a week of rain, And the waggon sinks to its axle-tree, deep down in the black-soil plain, When the bullocks wade in a sea of mud, and strain at the load of wool, And the cattle-dogs at the bullocks' heels are biting to make them pull, When the off-side driver flays the team, and curses tham while he flogs, And the air is thick with the language used, and the clamour of men and dogs -- The teamsters say, as they pause to rest and moisten each hairy throat, They wish they could swear like Stingy Smith when he read that neighbour's note.


Written by Andrew Barton Paterson | Create an image from this poem

An Idyll of Dandaloo

 On Western plains, where shade is not, 
'Neath summer skies of cloudless blue, 
Where all is dry and all is hot, 
There stands the town of Dandaloo -- 
A township where life's total sum 
Is sleep, diversified with rum.
Its grass-grown streets with dust are deep; 'Twere vain endeavour to express The dreamless silence of its sleep, Its wide, expansive drunkenness.
The yearly races mostly drew A lively crowd at Dandaloo.
There came a sportsman from the East, The eastern land where sportsmen blow, And brought with him a speedy beast -- A speedy beast as horses go.
He came afar in hope to "do" The little town of Dandaloo.
Now this was weak of him, I wot -- Exceeding weak, it seemed to me -- For we in Dandaloo were not The Jugginses we seemed to be; In fact, we rather thought we knew Our book by heart in Dandaloo.
We held a meeting at the bar, And met the question fair and square -- "We've stumped the country near and far To raise the cash for races here; We've got a hundred pounds or two -- Not half so bad for Dandaloo.
"And now, it seems we have to be Cleaned out by this here Sydney bloke, With his imported horse; and he Will scoop the pool and leave us broke.
Shall we sit still, and make no fuss While this chap climbs all over us?" * The races came to Dandaloo, And all the cornstalks from the West On every kind of moke and screw Come forth in all their glory drest.
The stranger's horse, as hard as nails, Look'd fit to run for New South Wales.
He won the race by half a length -- Quite half a length, it seemed to me -- But Dandaloo, with all its strength, Roared out "Dead heat!" most fervently; And, sfter hesitation meet, The judge's verdict was "Dead heat!" And many men there were could tell What gave the verdict extra force.
The stewards -- and the judge as well -- They all had backed the second horse.
For things like this they sometimes do In larger towns than Dandaloo.
They ran it off, the stranger won, Hands down, by near a hundred yards.
He smiled to think his troubles done; But Dandaloo held all the cards.
They went to scale and -- cruel fate -- His jockey turned out under weight.
Perhaps they's tampered with the scale! I cannot tell.
I only know It weighed him out all right.
I fail To paint that Sydney sportsman's woe.
He said the stewards were a crew Of low-lived thieves in Dandaloo.
He lifted up his voice, irate, And swore till all the air was blue; So then we rose to vindicate The dignity of Dandaloo.
"Look here," said we, "you must not poke Such oaths at us poor country folk.
" We rode him softly on a rail, We shied at him, in careless glee, Some large tomatoes, rank and stale, And eggs of great antiquity -- Their wild, unholy fregrance flew About the town of Dandaloo.
He left the town at break of day, He led his racehorse through the streets, And now he tells the tale, they say, To every racing man he meets.
And Sydney sportsmen all eschew The atmosphere of Dandaloo.
Written by Andrew Barton Paterson | Create an image from this poem

The Mylora Elopement

 By the winding Wollondilly where the weeping willows weep, 
And the shepherd, with his billy, half awake and half asleep, 
Folds his fleecy flocks that linger homewards in the setting sun 
Lived my hero, Jim the Ringer, "cocky" on Mylora Run.
Jimmy loved the super's daughter, Miss Amelia Jane McGrath.
Long and earnestly he sought her, but he feared her stern papa; And Amelia loved him truly -- but the course of love, if true, Never yet ran smooth or duly, as I think it ought to do.
Pondering o'er his predilection, Jimmy watched McGrath, the boss, Riding past his lone selection, looking for a station 'oss That was running in the ranges with a mob of outlaws wild.
Mac the time of day exchanges -- off goes Jim to see his child; Says, "The old man's after Stager, which he'll find is no light job, And tomorrow I will wager he will try and yard the mob.
Will you come with me tomorrow? I will let the parson know, And for ever, joy or sorrow, he will join us here below.
"I will bring the nags so speedy, Crazy Jane and Tambourine, One more kiss -- don't think I'm greedy -- good-bye, lass, before I'm seen -- Just one more -- God bless you, dearie! Don't forget to meet me here, Life without you is but weary; now, once more, good-bye, my dear.
" * * * * * The daylight shines on figures twain That ride across Mylora Plain, Laughing and talking -- Jim and Jane.
"Steady, darling.
There's lots of time, Didn't we slip the old man prime! I knew he'd tackle that Bowneck mob, I reckon he'll find it too big a job.
They've beaten us all.
I had a try, But the warrigal devils seem to fly.
That Sambo's a real good but of stuff No doubt, but not quite good enough.
He'll have to gallop the livelong day, To cut and come, to race and stay.
I hope he yards 'em, 'twill do him good; To see us going I don't think would.
" A turn in the road and, fair and square, They meet the old man standing there.
"What's up?" "Why, running away, of course," Says Jim, emboldened.
The old man turned, His eye with wild excitement burned.
"I've raced all day through the scorching heat After old Bowneck: and now I'm beat.
But over that range I think you'll find The Bowneck mob all run stone-blind.
Will you go, and leave the mob behind? Which will you do? Take the girl away, Or ride like a white man should today, And yard old Bowneck? Go or stay?" Says Jim, "I can't throw this away, We can bolt some other day, of course -- Amelia Jane, get off that horse! Up you get, Old Man.
Whoop, halloo! Here goes to put old Bowneck through!" Two distant specks om the mountain side, Two stockwhips echoing far and wide.
.
.
.
Amelia Jane sat down and cried.
* * * * * "Sakes, Amelia, what's up now? Leading old Sambo, too, I vow, And him deadbeat.
Where have you been? 'Bolted with Jim!' What do you mean> 'Met the old man with Sambo, licked From running old Bowneck.
' Well, I'm kicked -- 'Ran 'em till Sambo nearly dropped?' What did Jim do when you were stopped? Did you bolt from father across the plain? 'Jim made you get off Crazy Jane! And father got on, and away again The two of 'em went to the ranges grim.
' Good boy, Jimmy! Oh, well done, Jim! They're sure to get them now, of course, That Tambourine is a spanking horse.
And Crazy Jane is good as gold.
And Jim, they say, rides pretty bold -- Not like your father, but very fair.
Jim will have to follow the mare.
" "It never was yet in father's hide To best my Jim on the mountain side.
Jim can rally, and Jim can ride.
" But here again Amelia cried.
* * * * * The sound of whip comes faint and far, A rattle of hoofs, and here they are, In all their tameless pride.
The fleet wild horses snort and fear, And wheel and break as the yard draws near.
Now, Jim the Ringer, ride! Wheel 'em! wheel 'em! Whoa back there, whoa! And the foam flakes fly like the driven snow, As under the whip the horses go Adown the mountain side.
And Jim, hands down, and teeth firm set, On a horse that never has failed him yet, Is after them down the range.
Well ridden! well ridden! they wheel -- whoa back! And long and loud the stockwhips crack, Their flying course they change; "Steadily does it -- let Sambo go! Open those sliprails down below.
Smart! or you'll be too late.
* * * * * "They'll follow old Sambo up -- look out! Whee! that black horse -- give Sam a clout.
They're in! Make fast the gate.
" * * * * * The mob is safely in the yard! The old man mounts delighted guard.
No thought has he but for his prize.
* * * * * Jim catches poor Amelia's eyes.
"Will you come after all? The job is done, And Crazy Jane is fit to run For a prince's life -- now don't say no; Slip on while the old man's down below At the inner yard, and away we'll go.
Will you come, my girl?" "I will, you bet; We'll manage this here elopement yet.
" * * * * * By the winding Wollondilly stands the hut of Ringer Jim.
And his loving little Meely makes a perfect god of him.
He has stalwart sons and daughters, and, I think, before he's done, There'll be numerous "Six-fortys" taken on Mylora Run.
Written by Marriott Edgar | Create an image from this poem

Little Aggie

 When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
He made each one hold fast with his trunk
To the tail of the elephant walking in front
To stop them from doing a bunk.
There were fifteen in all, so 'twere rather a job To get them linked up in a row, But once he had fixed 'em Joe knew they'd hold on, For an elephant never lets go.
The pace it was set by the big 'uns in front, 'Twas surprising how fast they could stride, And poor little Aggie, the one at the back.
.
.
Had to run till she very near died.
They were walking one Sunday from Blackpool to Crewe, They'd started at break of the day, Joe followed behind with a bagful of buns In case they got hungry on t'way.
They travelled along at a rattling good pace Over moorland and valley and plain, And poor little Aggie the one at the back Her trunk fairly creaked with the strain.
They came to a place where the railway crossed road, An ungated crossing it were, And they wasn't to know as the express was due At the moment that they landed there.
They was half way across when Joe saw the express- It came tearing along up the track- He tried hard to stop, but it wasn't much good, For an elephant never turns back.
He saw if he didn't do something at once The train looked like spoiling his troupe, So he ran on ahead and he waggled tho buns To show them they'd best hurry up When they caught sight of buns they all started to run, And they soon got across at this gait, Except poor little Aggie-the one at the back, She were one second too late.
The express came dashing along at full speed, And caught her end on, fair and square She bounced off the buffers, turned head over heels, And lay with her legs in the air.
Joe thought she were dead when he saw her lyin' there, With the back of her head on the line He knelt by her side, put his ear to her chest, And told her to say " ninety-nine.
" She waggled her tail and she twiggled her trunk ; To show him as she were alive; She hadn't the strength for to say "ninety-nine," She just managed a weak "eighty-five.
" When driver of th' engine got down from his cab Joe said "Here's a nice howdedo, To see fifteen elephants ruined for life By a clumsy great driver like you.
" Said the driver, "There's no need to mak' all this fuss, There's only one hit as I've seen.
" Joe said, "Aye, that's right, but they held on so tight You've pulled back end off t' other fourteen.
" Joe still walks around with his elephant troupe, He got them patched up at the vet's, But Aggie won't walk at the back any more, 'Cos an elephant never forgets.

Book: Shattered Sighs