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Best Famous Dead Heat Poems

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Written by Andrew Barton Paterson | Create an image from this poem

An Idyll of Dandaloo

 On Western plains, where shade is not, 
'Neath summer skies of cloudless blue, 
Where all is dry and all is hot, 
There stands the town of Dandaloo -- 
A township where life's total sum 
Is sleep, diversified with rum. 
Its grass-grown streets with dust are deep; 
'Twere vain endeavour to express 
The dreamless silence of its sleep, 
Its wide, expansive drunkenness. 
The yearly races mostly drew 
A lively crowd at Dandaloo. 

There came a sportsman from the East, 
The eastern land where sportsmen blow, 
And brought with him a speedy beast -- 
A speedy beast as horses go. 
He came afar in hope to "do" 
The little town of Dandaloo. 

Now this was weak of him, I wot -- 
Exceeding weak, it seemed to me -- 
For we in Dandaloo were not 
The Jugginses we seemed to be; 
In fact, we rather thought we knew 
Our book by heart in Dandaloo. 

We held a meeting at the bar, 
And met the question fair and square -- 
"We've stumped the country near and far 
To raise the cash for races here; 
We've got a hundred pounds or two -- 
Not half so bad for Dandaloo. 

"And now, it seems we have to be 
Cleaned out by this here Sydney bloke, 
With his imported horse; and he 
Will scoop the pool and leave us broke. 
Shall we sit still, and make no fuss 
While this chap climbs all over us?" 

* 

The races came to Dandaloo, 
And all the cornstalks from the West 
On every kind of moke and screw 
Come forth in all their glory drest. 
The stranger's horse, as hard as nails, 
Look'd fit to run for New South Wales. 

He won the race by half a length -- 
Quite half a length, it seemed to me -- 
But Dandaloo, with all its strength, 
Roared out "Dead heat!" most fervently; 
And, sfter hesitation meet, 
The judge's verdict was "Dead heat!" 

And many men there were could tell 
What gave the verdict extra force. 
The stewards -- and the judge as well -- 
They all had backed the second horse. 
For things like this they sometimes do 
In larger towns than Dandaloo. 

They ran it off, the stranger won, 
Hands down, by near a hundred yards. 
He smiled to think his troubles done; 
But Dandaloo held all the cards. 
They went to scale and -- cruel fate -- 
His jockey turned out under weight. 

Perhaps they's tampered with the scale! 
I cannot tell. I only know 
It weighed him out all right. I fail 
To paint that Sydney sportsman's woe. 
He said the stewards were a crew 
Of low-lived thieves in Dandaloo. 

He lifted up his voice, irate, 
And swore till all the air was blue; 
So then we rose to vindicate 
The dignity of Dandaloo. 
"Look here," said we, "you must not poke 
Such oaths at us poor country folk." 

We rode him softly on a rail, 
We shied at him, in careless glee, 
Some large tomatoes, rank and stale, 
And eggs of great antiquity -- 
Their wild, unholy fregrance flew 
About the town of Dandaloo. 

He left the town at break of day, 
He led his racehorse through the streets, 
And now he tells the tale, they say, 
To every racing man he meets. 
And Sydney sportsmen all eschew 
The atmosphere of Dandaloo.


Written by Andrew Barton Paterson | Create an image from this poem

Old Pardon the Son of Reprieve

 You never heard tell of the story? 
Well, now, I can hardly believe! 
Never heard of the honour and glory 
Of Pardon, the son of Reprieve? 
But maybe you're only a Johnnie 
And don't know a horse from a hoe? 
Well, well, don't get angry, my sonny, 
But, really, a young un should know. 
They bred him out back on the "Never", 
His mother was Mameluke breed. 
To the front -- and then stay there - was ever 
The root of the Mameluke creed. 
He seemed to inherit their wiry 
Strong frames -- and their pluck to receive -- 
As hard as a flint and as fiery 
Was Pardon, the son of Reprieve. 

We ran him at many a meeting 
At crossing and gully and town, 
And nothing could give him a beating -- 
At least when our money was down. 
For weight wouldn't stop him, nor distance, 
Nor odds, though the others were fast; 
He'd race with a dogged persistence, 
And wear them all down at the last. 

At the Turon the Yattendon filly 
Led by lengths at the mile-and-a-half, 
And we all began to look silly, 
While her crowd were starting to laugh; 
But the old horse came faster and faster, 
His pluck told its tale, and his strength, 
He gained on her, caught her, and passed her, 
And won it, hands down, by a length. 

And then we swooped down on Menindie 
To run for the President's Cup; 
Oh! that's a sweet township -- a shindy 
To them is board, lodging, and sup. 
Eye-openers they are, and their system 
Is never to suffer defeat; 
It's "win, tie, or wrangle" -- to best 'em 
You must lose 'em, or else it's "dead heat". 

We strolled down the township and found 'em 
At drinking and gaming and play; 
If sorrows they had, why they drowned 'em, 
And betting was soon under way. 
Their horses were good uns and fit uns, 
There was plenty of cash in the town; 
They backed their own horses like Britons, 
And, Lord! how we rattled it down! 

With gladness we thought of the morrow, 
We counted our wages with glee, 
A simile homely to borrow -- 
"There was plenty of milk in our tea." 
You see we were green; and we never 
Had even a thought of foul play, 
Though we well might have known that the clever 
Division would "put us away". 

Experience docet, they tell us, 
At least so I've frequently heard; 
But, "dosing" or "stuffing", those fellows 
Were up to each move on the board: 
They got to his stall -- it is sinful 
To think what such villains will do -- 
And they gave him a regular skinful 
Of barley -- green barley -- to chew. 

He munched it all night, and we found him 
Next morning as full as a hog -- 
The girths wouldn't nearly meet round him; 
He looked like an overfed frog. 
We saw we were done like a dinner -- 
The odds were a thousand to one 
Against Pardon turning up winner, 
'Twas cruel to ask him to run. 

We got to the course with our troubles, 
A crestfallen couple were we; 
And we heard the " books" calling the doubles -- 
A roar like the surf of the sea. 
And over the tumult and louder 
Rang "Any price Pardon, I lay!" 
Says Jimmy, "The children of Judah 
Are out on the warpath today." 

Three miles in three heats: -- Ah, my sonny, 
The horses in those days were stout, 
They had to run well to win money; 
I don't see such horses about. 
Your six-furlong vermin that scamper 
Half-a-mile with their feather-weight up, 
They wouldn't earn much of their damper 
In a race like the President's Cup. 

The first heat was soon set a-going; 
The Dancer went off to the front; 
The Don on his quarters was showing, 
With Pardon right out of the hunt. 
He rolled and he weltered and wallowed -- 
You'd kick your hat faster, I'll bet; 
They finished all bunched, and he followed 
All lathered and dripping with sweat. 

But troubles came thicker upon us, 
For while we were rubbing him dry 
The stewards came over to warn us: 
"We hear you are running a bye! 
If Pardon don't spiel like tarnation 
And win the next heat -- if he can -- 
He'll earn a disqualification; 
Just think over that now, my man!" 

Our money all gone and our credit, 
Our horse couldn't gallop a yard; 
And then people thought that we did it 
It really was terribly hard. 
We were objects of mirth and derision 
To folks in the lawn and the stand, 
Anf the yells of the clever division 
Of "Any price Pardon!" were grand. 

We still had a chance for the money, 
Two heats remained to be run: 
If both fell to us -- why, my sonny, 
The clever division were done. 
And Pardon was better, we reckoned, 
His sickness was passing away, 
So we went to the post for the second 
And principal heat of the day. 

They're off and away with a rattle, 
Like dogs from the leashes let slip, 
And right at the back of the battle 
He followed them under the whip. 
They gained ten good lengths on him quickly 
He dropped right away from the pack; 
I tell you it made me feel sickly 
To see the blue jacket fall back. 

Our very last hope had departed -- 
We thought the old fellow was done, 
When all of a sudden he started 
To go like a shot from a gun. 
His chances seemed slight to embolden 
Our hearts; but, with teeth firmly set, 
We thought, "Now or never! The old un 
May reckon with some of 'em yet." 

Then loud rose the war-cry for Pardon; 
He swept like the wind down the dip, 
And over the rise by the garden 
The jockey was done with the whip. 
The field was at sixes and sevens -- 
The pace at the first had been fast -- 
And hope seemed to drop from the heavens, 
For Pardon was coming at last. 

And how he did come! It was splendid; 
He gained on them yards every bound, 
Stretching out like a greyhound extended, 
His girth laid right down on the ground. 
A shimmer of silk in the cedars 
As into the running they wheeled, 
And out flashed the whips on the leaders, 
For Pardon had collared the field. 

Then right through the ruck he was sailing -- 
I knew that the battle was won -- 
The son of Haphazard was failing, 
The Yattendon filly was done; 
He cut down The Don and The Dancer, 
He raced clean away from the mare -- 
He's in front! Catch him now if you can, sir! 
And up went my hat in the air! 

Then loud fron the lawn and the garden 
Rose offers of "Ten to one on!" 
"Who'll bet on the field? I back Pardon!" 
No use; all the money was gone. 
He came for the third heat light-hearted, 
A-jumping and dancing about; 
The others were done ere they started 
Crestfallen, and tired, and worn out. 

He won it, and ran it much faster 
Than even the first, I believe; 
Oh, he was the daddy, the master, 
Was Pardon, the son of Reprieve. 
He showed 'em the method of travel -- 
The boy sat still as a stone -- 
They never could see him for gravel; 
He came in hard-held, and alone. 

* * * * * * * 

But he's old -- and his eyes are grown hollow 
Like me, with my thatch of the snow; 
When he dies, then I hope I may follow, 
And go where the racehorses go. 
I don't want no harping nor singing -- 
Such things with my style don't agree; 
Where the hoofs of the horses are ringing 
There's music sufficient for me. 

And surely the thoroughbred horses 
Will rise up again and begin 
Fresh faces on far-away courses, 
And p'raps they might let me slip in. 
It would look rather well the race-card on 
'Mongst Cherubs and Seraphs and things, 
"Angel Harrison's black gelding Pardon, 
Blue halo, white body and wings." 

And if they have racing hereafter, 
(And who is to say they will not?) 
When the cheers and the shouting and laughter 
Proclaim that the battle grows hot; 
As they come down the racecourse a-steering, 
He'll rush to the front, I believe; 
And you'll hear the great multitude cheering 
For Pardon, the son of Reprieve
Written by Henry Lawson | Create an image from this poem

The Grog-anGrumble Steeplechase

 'Twixt the coastline and the border lay the town of Grog-an'-Grumble 
In the days before the bushman was a dull 'n' heartless drudge, 
An' they say the local meeting was a drunken rough-and-tumble, 
Which was ended pretty often by an inquest on the judge. 
An' 'tis said the city talent very often caught a tartar 
In the Grog-an'-Grumble sportsman, 'n' returned with broken heads, 
For the fortune, life, and safety of the Grog-an'-Grumble starter 
Mostly hung upon the finish of the local thoroughbreds. 

Pat M'Durmer was the owner of a horse they called the Screamer, 
Which he called "the quickest stepper 'twixt the Darling and the sea", 
And I think it's very doubtful if the stomach-troubled dreamer 
Ever saw a more outrageous piece of equine scenery; 
For his points were most decided, from his end to his beginning, 
He had eyes of different colour, and his legs they wasn't mates. 
Pat M'Durmer said he always came "widin a flip of winnin'", 
An' his sire had come from England, 'n' his dam was from the States. 

Friends would argue with M'Durmer, and they said he was in error 
To put up his horse the Screamer, for he'd lose in any case, 
And they said a city racer by the name of Holy Terror 
Was regarded as the winner of the coming steeplechase; 
But he said he had the knowledge to come in when it was raining, 
And irrevelantly mentioned that he knew the time of day, 
So he rose in their opinion. It was noticed that the training 
Of the Screamer was conducted in a dark, mysterious way. 

Well, the day arrived in glory; 'twas a day of jubilation 
With careless-hearted bushmen for a hundred miles around, 
An' the rum 'n' beer 'n' whisky came in waggons from the station, 
An' the Holy Terror talent were the first upon the ground. 
Judge M'Ard – with whose opinion it was scarcely safe to wrestle – 
Took his dangerous position on the bark-and-sapling stand: 
He was what the local Stiggins used to speak of as a "wessel 
Of wrath", and he'd a bludgeon that he carried in his hand. 

"Off ye go!" the starter shouted, as down fell a stupid jockey – 
Off they started in disorder – left the jockey where he lay – 
And they fell and rolled and galloped down the crooked course and rocky, 
Till the pumping of the Screamer could be heard a mile away. 
But he kept his legs and galloped; he was used to rugged courses, 
And he lumbered down the gully till the ridge began to quake: 
And he ploughed along the siding, raising earth till other horses 
An' their riders, too, were blinded by the dust-cloud in his wake. 

From the ruck he'd struggled slowly – they were much surprised to find him 
Close abeam of the Holy Terror as along the flat they tore – 
Even higher still and denser rose the cloud of dust behind him, 
While in more divided splinters flew the shattered rails before. 
"Terror!" "Dead heat!" they were shouting – "Terror!" but the Screamer hung out 
Nose to nose with Holy Terror as across the creek they swung, 
An' M'Durmer shouted loudly, "Put yer toungue out! put yer tongue out!" 
An ' the Screamer put his tongue out, and he won by half-a-tongue.

Book: Reflection on the Important Things