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Best Famous Criticise Poems

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Written by Spike Milligan | Create an image from this poem

The ABC

 'Twas midnight in the schoolroom
And every desk was shut
When suddenly from the alphabet 
Was heard a loud "Tut-Tut!"

Said A to B, "I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C Is a semi-circular back!" "I disagree," said D to B, "I've never found C so.
From where I stand he seems to be An uncompleted O.
" C was vexed, "I'm much perplexed, You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that, to help spell Cat And Cow and Cool and Cape.
" "He's right" said E; said F, "Whoopee!" Said G, "'Ip, 'Ip, 'ooray!" "You're dropping me," roared H to G.
"Don't do it please I pray.
" "Out of my way," LL said to K.
"I'll make poor I look ILL.
" To stop this stunt J stood in front, And presto! ILL was JILL.
"U know," said V, "that W Is twice the age of me.
For as a Roman V is five I'm half as young as he.
" X and Y yawned sleepily, "Look at the time!" they said.
"Let's all get off to beddy byes.
" They did, then "Z-z-z.
"


Written by William Cowper | Create an image from this poem

The Task: Book IV The Winter Evening (excerpts)

 Hark! 'tis the twanging horn! O'er yonder bridge,
That with its wearisome but needful length
Bestrides the wintry flood, in which the moon
Sees her unwrinkled face reflected bright,
He comes, the herald of a noisy world,
With spatter'd boots, strapp'd waist, and frozen locks;
News from all nations lumb'ring at his back.
True to his charge, the close-pack'd load behind, Yet careless what he brings, his one concern Is to conduct it to the destin'd inn: And, having dropp'd th' expected bag, pass on.
He whistles as he goes, light-hearted wretch, Cold and yet cheerful: messenger of grief Perhaps to thousands, and of joy to some; To him indiff'rent whether grief or joy.
Houses in ashes, and the fall of stocks, Births, deaths, and marriages, epistles wet With tears that trickled down the writer's cheeks Fast as the periods from his fluent quill, Or charg'd with am'rous sighs of absent swains, Or nymphs responsive, equally affect His horse and him, unconscious of them all.
But oh th' important budget! usher'd in With such heart-shaking music, who can say What are its tidings? have our troops awak'd? Or do they still, as if with opium drugg'd, Snore to the murmurs of th' Atlantic wave? Is India free? and does she wear her plum'd And jewell'd turban with a smile of peace, Or do we grind her still? The grand debate, The popular harangue, the tart reply, The logic, and the wisdom, and the wit, And the loud laugh--I long to know them all; I burn to set th' imprison'd wranglers free, And give them voice and utt'rance once again.
Now stir the fire, and close the shutters fast, Let fall the curtains, wheel the sofa round, And, while the bubbling and loud-hissing urn Throws up a steamy column, and the cups, That cheer but not inebriate, wait on each, So let us welcome peaceful ev'ning in.
Not such his ev'ning, who with shining face Sweats in the crowded theatre, and, squeez'd And bor'd with elbow-points through both his sides, Out-scolds the ranting actor on the stage: Nor his, who patient stands till his feet throb, And his head thumps, to feed upon the breath Of patriots, bursting with heroic rage, Or placemen, all tranquility and smiles.
This folio of four pages, happy work! Which not ev'n critics criticise; that holds Inquisitive attention, while I read, Fast bound in chains of silence, which the fair, Though eloquent themselves, yet fear to break; What is it, but a map of busy life, Its fluctuations, and its vast concerns?.
.
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Oh winter, ruler of th' inverted year, Thy scatter'd hair with sleet like ashes fill'd, Thy breath congeal'd upon thy lips, thy cheeks Fring'd with a beard made white with other snows Than those of age, thy forehead wrapp'd in clouds, A leafless branch thy sceptre, and thy throne A sliding car, indebted to no wheels, But urg'd by storms along its slipp'ry way, I love thee, all unlovely as thou seem'st, And dreaded as thou art! Thou hold'st the sun A pris'ner in the yet undawning east, Short'ning his journey between morn and noon, And hurrying him, impatient of his stay, Down to the rosy west; but kindly still Compensating his loss with added hours Of social converse and instructive ease, And gath'ring, at short notice, in one group The family dispers'd, and fixing thought, Not less dispers'd by day-light and its cares.
I crown thee king of intimate delights, Fire-side enjoyments, home-born happiness, And all the comforts that the lowly roof Of undisturb'd retirement, and the hours Of long uninterrupted ev'ning, know.
No rattling wheels stop short before these gates; No powder'd pert proficient in the art Of sounding an alarm, assaults these doors Till the street rings; no stationary steeds Cough their own knell, while, heedless of the sound, The silent circle fan themselves, and quake: But here the needle plies its busy task, The pattern grows, the well-depicted flow'r, Wrought patiently into the snowy lawn, Unfolds its bosom; buds, and leaves, and sprigs, And curling tendrils, gracefully dispos'd, Follow the nimble finger of the fair; A wreath that cannot fade, or flow'rs that blow With most success when all besides decay.
The poet's or historian's page, by one Made vocal for th' amusement of the rest; The sprightly lyre, whose treasure of sweet sounds The touch from many a trembling chord shakes out; And the clear voice symphonious, yet distinct, And in the charming strife triumphant still; Beguile the night, and set a keener edge On female industry: the threaded steel Flies swiftly, and, unfelt, the task proceeds.
The volume clos'd, the customary rites Of the last meal commence.
A Roman meal; Such as the mistress of the world once found Delicious, when her patriots of high note, Perhaps by moonlight, at their humble doors, And under an old oak's domestic shade, Enjoy'd--spare feast!--a radish and an egg! Discourse ensues, not trivial, yet not dull, Nor such as with a frown forbids the play Of fancy, or proscribes the sound of mirth: Nor do we madly, like an impious world, Who deem religion frenzy, and the God That made them an intruder on their joys, Start at his awful name, or deem his praise A jarring note.
Themes of a graver tone, Exciting oft our gratitude and love, While we retrace with mem'ry's pointing wand, That calls the past to our exact review, The dangers we have 'scaped, the broken snare, The disappointed foe, deliv'rance found Unlook'd for, life preserv'd and peace restor'd-- Fruits of omnipotent eternal love.
Oh ev'nings worthy of the gods! exclaim'd The Sabine bard.
Oh ev'nings, I reply, More to be priz'd and coveted than yours, As more illumin'd, and with nobler truths.
That I, and mine, and those we love, enjoy.
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Written by Lewis Carroll | Create an image from this poem

Phantasmagoria CANTO III ( Scarmoges )

 "AND did you really walk," said I,
"On such a wretched night?
I always fancied Ghosts could fly -
If not exactly in the sky,
Yet at a fairish height.
" "It's very well," said he, "for Kings To soar above the earth: But Phantoms often find that wings - Like many other pleasant things - Cost more than they are worth.
"Spectres of course are rich, and so Can buy them from the Elves: But WE prefer to keep below - They're stupid company, you know, For any but themselves: "For, though they claim to be exempt From pride, they treat a Phantom As something quite beneath contempt - Just as no Turkey ever dreamt Of noticing a Bantam.
" "They seem too proud," said I, "to go To houses such as mine.
Pray, how did they contrive to know So quickly that 'the place was low,' And that I 'kept bad wine'?" "Inspector Kobold came to you - " The little Ghost began.
Here I broke in - "Inspector who? Inspecting Ghosts is something new! Explain yourself, my man!" "His name is Kobold," said my guest: "One of the Spectre order: You'll very often see him dressed In a yellow gown, a crimson vest, And a night-cap with a border.
"He tried the Brocken business first, But caught a sort of chill ; So came to England to be nursed, And here it took the form of THIRST, Which he complains of still.
"Port-wine, he says, when rich and sound, Warms his old bones like nectar: And as the inns, where it is found, Are his especial hunting-ground, We call him the INN-SPECTRE.
" I bore it - bore it like a man - This agonizing witticism! And nothing could be sweeter than My temper, till the Ghost began Some most provoking criticism.
"Cooks need not be indulged in waste; Yet still you'd better teach them Dishes should have SOME SORT of taste.
Pray, why are all the cruets placed Where nobody can reach them? "That man of yours will never earn His living as a waiter! Is that ***** THING supposed to burn? (It's far too dismal a concern To call a Moderator).
"The duck was tender, but the peas Were very much too old: And just remember, if you please, The NEXT time you have toasted cheese, Don't let them send it cold.
"You'd find the bread improved, I think, By getting better flour: And have you anything to drink That looks a LITTLE less like ink, And isn't QUITE so sour?" Then, peering round with curious eyes, He muttered "Goodness gracious!" And so went on to criticise - "Your room's an inconvenient size: It's neither snug nor spacious.
"That narrow window, I expect, Serves but to let the dusk in - " "But please," said I, "to recollect 'Twas fashioned by an architect Who pinned his faith on Ruskin!" "I don't care who he was, Sir, or On whom he pinned his faith! Constructed by whatever law, So poor a job I never saw, As I'm a living Wraith! "What a re-markable cigar! How much are they a dozen?" I growled "No matter what they are! You're getting as familiar As if you were my cousin! "Now that's a thing I WILL NOT STAND, And so I tell you flat.
" "Aha," said he, "we're getting grand!" (Taking a bottle in his hand) "I'll soon arrange for THAT!" And here he took a careful aim, And gaily cried "Here goes!" I tried to dodge it as it came, But somehow caught it, all the same, Exactly on my nose.
And I remember nothing more That I can clearly fix, Till I was sitting on the floor, Repeating "Two and five are four, But FIVE AND TWO are six.
" What really passed I never learned, Nor guessed: I only know That, when at last my sense returned, The lamp, neglected, dimly burned - The fire was getting low - Through driving mists I seemed to see A Thing that smirked and smiled: And found that he was giving me A lesson in Biography, As if I were a child.
Written by Robert Louis Stevenson | Create an image from this poem

Dedicatory Poem For Underwoods

 TO her, for I must still regard her
As feminine in her degree,
Who has been my unkind bombarder
Year after year, in grief and glee,
Year after year, with oaken tree;
And yet betweenwhiles my laudator
In terms astonishing to me -
To the Right Reverend The Spectator
I here, a humble dedicator,
Bring the last apples from my tree.
In tones of love, in tones of warning, She hailed me through my brief career; And kiss and buffet, night and morning, Told me my grandmamma was near; Whether she praised me high and clear Through her unrivalled circulation, Or, sanctimonious insincere, She damned me with a misquotation - A chequered but a sweet relation, Say, was it not, my granny dear? Believe me, granny, altogether Yours, though perhaps to your surprise.
Oft have you spruced my wounded feather, Oft brought a light into my eyes - For notice still the writer cries.
In any civil age or nation, The book that is not talked of dies.
So that shall be my termination: Whether in praise or execration, Still, if you love me, criticise!
Written by Ellis Parker Butler | Create an image from this poem

The Ballade Of The Mistletoe Bough

 I am standing under the mistletoe,
 And I smile, but no answering smile replies
For her haughty glance bids me plainly know
 That not for me is the thing I prize;
Instead, from her coldly scornful eyes,
 Indifference looks on my barefaced guile;
She knows, of course, what my act implies—
 But look at those lips! Do they hint a smile?

I stand here, eager, and beam and glow,
 And she only looks a refined surprise
As clear and crisp and as cold as snow,
 And as—Stop! I will never criticise!
I know what her cold glance signifies;
 But I’ll stand just here as I am awhile
Till a smile to my pleading look replies—
 But look at those lips! Do they hint a smile?

Just look at those lips, now! I claim they show
 A spirit unmeet under Christmas skies;
I claim that such lips on such maidens owe
 A—something—the custom justifies;
I claim that the mistletoe rule applies
 To her as well as the rank and file;
We should meet these things in a cheerful guise—
 But look at those lips! Do they hint a smile?

ENVOY

These customs of Christmas may shock the wise,
 And mistletoe boughs may be out of style,
And a kiss be a thing that all maids despise—
 But look at those lips, do! They hint a smile!


Written by Robert William Service | Create an image from this poem

Jane

 My daughter Jane makes dresses
For beautiful Princesses;
But though she's plain is Jane,
Of needlework she's vain,
And makes such pretty things
For relatives of Kings.
She reads the picture papers Where Royalties cut capers, And often says to me: 'How wealthy they must be, That nearly every day A new robe they can pay.
' Says I: 'If your Princesses Could fabric pretty dresses, Though from a throne they stem I would think more of them.
Peeress and shopgirl are To my mind on a par.
' Says Jane: 'But for their backing I might be sewing sacking.
Instead, I work with joy In exquisite employ, Embroidering rich dresses For elegant Princesses .
.
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Damn social upsetters Who criticise their betters!'
Written by Adela Florence Cory Nicolson | Create an image from this poem

Sunstroke

   Softly the feathery Palm-trees fade in the violet Distance,
   Faintly the lingering light touches the edge of the sea,
   Sadly the Music of Waves, drifts, faint as an Anthem's insistence,
   Heard in the aisles of a dream, over the sandhills, to me.

   Now that the Lights are reversed, and the Singing changed into sighing,
   Now that the wings of our fierce, fugitive passion are furled,
   Take I unto myself, all alone in the light that is dying,
   Much of the sorrow that lies hid at the Heart of the World.

   Sad am I, sad for your loss: for failing the charm of your presence,
   Even the sunshine has paled, leaving the Zenith less blue.
   Even the ocean lessens the light of its green opalescence,
   Since, to my sorrow I loved, loved and grew weary of, you.

   Why was our passion so fleeting, why had the flush of your beauty
   Only so slender a spell, only so futile a power?
   Yet, even thus ever is life, save when long custom or duty
   Moulds into sober fruit Love's fragile and fugitive flower.

   Fain would my soul have been faithful; never an alien pleasure
   Lured me away from the light lit in your luminous eyes,
   But we have altered the World as pitiful man has leisure
   To criticise, balance, take counsel, assuredly lies.

   All through the centuries Man has gathered his flower, and fenced it,
   —Infinite strife to attain; infinite struggle to keep,—
   Holding his treasure awhile, all Fate and all forces against it,
   Knowing it his no more, if ever his vigilance sleep.

   But we have altered the World as pitiful man has grown stronger,
   So that the things we love are as easily kept as won,
   Therefore the ancient fight can engage and detain us no longer,
   And all too swiftly, alas, passion is over and done.

   Far too speedily now we can gather the coveted treasure,
   Enjoy it awhile, be satiated, begin to tire;
   And what shall be done henceforth with the profitless after-leisure,
   Who has the breath to kindle the ash of a faded fire?

   Ah, if it only had lasted!  After my ardent endeavour
   Came the delirious Joy, flooding my life like a sea,
   Days of delight that are burnt on the brain for ever and ever,
   Days and nights when you loved, before you grew weary of me.

   Softly the sunset decreases dim in the violet Distance,
   Even as Love's own fervour has faded away from me,
   Leaving the weariness, the monotonous Weight of Existence,—
   All the farewells in the world weep in the sound of the sea.

Book: Shattered Sighs