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Poem
I have go not advanced degree
from a fancy eastern school.
I’ve no idea who Beckett is,
so you declare that I’m a fool.
Yet yesterday I restored to life
an old engine from the thirties,
I’ve got a PhD in Redneck,
you’ve never gotten your hands dirty.

I have no care for endless cries
of all this so-called ‘privileged.’
I’m not up on taxing folks,
then buying up votes with it.
But yesterday I gave a wrench
to a young man two-months clean,
I’ve got a PhD in Redneck,
He’s better of working with me.

I have no time at all to waste
on pretentious garbage misnamed ‘art,’
since no blank canvas of mangled bowl
every truly touched my heart.
But I’ve got a Norman Rockwell,
and some Currier and Ives,
I’ve got a PhD in Redneck,
my art awakens something inside.

I roll my eyes in disbelief
at fools claiming to eat ‘organic,’
as if decades of food science
was an invitation to panic.
But if you want it truly fresh,
take up a gun and head outdoors,
I’ve got a PhD in Redneck,
and my meat's wilder than yours.

I shake my head at educated fools
who badmouth ol’ monogamy,
and say marriage is a leftover
of some ‘oppressive patriarchy.’
But your movie stars and politicians
molest anything that has curves,
I’ve got a PhD in Redneck
and you all are kinda pervs.

Sighting rifles at a hundred yards,
getting twenty years out of a car,
trout lines, moonshine, big families,
crop rotation and soil acidity,
the price of cattle raised for beef,
getting milk from a reluctant beast,
dropping trees and clearing brush,
getting boards to fit nice and flush,
fixing machines with what’s around,
training retrievers and sight-hounds,
selling eggs, and chicks from mother hens,
raising good kids in a word of sin,
pushing through when life is hard,
two hundred mile per hour cars,
steel guitars crying out loud,
caring for ma when her mind gives out,
finding the best places for traps,
calculating crop yield vs. price of gas,
rising up before the dawn,
feeding the world, working long,
watching our kids enlist to battle foes,
knowing if they don’t, none will go…

When I add it all up in my mind,
I don’t see any better skills,
in the minds self-declared elites
who use BS to pay their bills.
Now if you want to act superior,
then just go ahead and try me,
I’ve got a PhD in Redneck,
and you’re standing in Poison Ivy.

Wasn’t sure you realized…you should probably move…
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