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Delusional reality check

Do you feel it?
I know you do,

you know the feeling,
that nagging feeling

deep down inside,
inside your soul,
your psyche,

the part of you,
that even you don't 
go to visit, very often
because,
it's a very, very,
scary place.

So instead, 
you try to avoid thinking
about it...
that thing, 

that's always present,
that thing, that
you can run from, 
but you can't hide from
because it's 
always there, like your shadow
there's no escaping it.

You saw the news last night,
right?
as it raised it's ugly head again?

You tried not to watch it,
so you change the channel,
but there it is, again,
you turn off the tv
and turn on the radio
but there it is again!
breaking news,
you try not to listen
because you know 
what will happen if you listen...
your life will change...
again... forever.

But you did hear it!
you did see it!
the unimaginable happened
again!
Children, 
innocent children...
killed at a music concert
by a suicide bomber.

Those words,
never used to 
come out of your mouth...
but now it happens 
all, 
the, 
time!

And so, 
you try to convince yourself
that everything will be alright!
but you know...
the truth...
deep down
inside your very core
and you want to scream
it's NOT GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!!
THIS IS CRAZY!!!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE KILLING
VIOLENCE...TO CHILDREN
(they could be my children)
where are my children?
Oh yeah, they're upstairs
sleeping, safe and sound...
but are they safe?
Am I safe?
Who is next?
will they strike at the mall again?
or the airport again,
or at the restaurant again,
or just walking down the street...
will I get mowed down by a truck
for no reason at all!
maybe at school, 
there will be another shooting 
and my children?
No stop it!
stop it right now!
stop thinking like that
don't get hysterical
if we show any fear,
or if we change our normal routine,
they have won!
and you won't let them win right?

So, you put on your mask,
your happy smile,

that prozac induced
blank stare,
and you go out with your friends,
to the usual places,

that nice little french cafe on the corner,
the mall, for the sales of course!
look at that nice little black purse!
Oh I need another one!
that, will go so nice with my,
oh no, 
I don't have a dress to go with this purse
oh, look over there!
it's perfect!

you know what you're doing,
you're distracting yourself,
trying to convince yourself, 
that all is well...
everything is fine!
really it is!!

your distractions, 
your delusional illusions,
will not keep you safe,

and,
deep down inside 
you know it!

You pass by a mirror
and see yourself,
you fix your hair,
then you stop to analyze
your face, 
and then, 
you see it!
At that very moment,
you realize...
that,
they have won!



For sad free verse contest
May 23,2017
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