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Poem
"Don't get too close"

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

We are taught from day one
Not to get involved ...
"Don't get too close to your patients,
Or the emotions will get the better of you"
Don't get too close ...
Don't get too close ...
Don't get too ...

But here I am ...
My arm in a child's chest,
My hand around her little heart,
Squeezing, massaging, praying ...
Hoping my muscles don't fatigue
Before I get someone to spell me ...

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

Her little brother is a curious child,
And found a gun in their parents'
Room while looking for a toy ...
He didn't find his toy, but he
Shared the gun with his little sister,
Now her life is literally in the
Hands of a stranger ...

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

Thanks to the trauma to
Her heart and lungs,
Clots and excess blood in her
Pericardium, we had to do
An anterolateral thoracotomy
To open up her chest ...

(Squeeze, squeeze ...)

Don't get too close ...
Where IS my colleague?!?
The surplus of blood and the clots
In her pericardium have to be
Removed if we hope to restore
Normal stroke and hemodynamic status,
But I have no one here as yet that
Is qualified to do the procedure,
So I squeeze on ... and pray ...

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

I pray for strength, for assistance,
For hope in saving this child's life ...
"Don't get too close, Don't get too close ..."
How do you NOT get too close?
For the rest of BOTH of our lives
This child and I are joined by this,
It is simply impossible to NOT get
Involved when you're massaging a
Child's cardiac muscles in your palm,
- When you have cracked her body
Open and invaded her vital organs,

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

- When you would trade everything
For someone to tell you that it's
All going to be OK, that this child
Will indeed live a long, full life,
- When you keep picturing her face
With a smile on it, her eyes wide
Open and bright with life
- When you keep hearing in your head
The sound of her giggle and laughter,
- When you keep imagining ALL
That she could someday become,

(Squeeze, squeeze ...)

All that she could experience in the
Years ahead, all the joy and sorrow
And love that she could one day
Feel in this little heart, if ONLY ...
Come ON! Please ...

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

"Don't get too close, don't get too close ..."
How can I NOT get too close,
For god's sake?!? I am a PART of her -
A living extension of her heart -
The extended part of HER that
Is keeping her alive!
"Don't get too close, Don't get too close ..."
Don't bring your work home with you,
Leave it at the hospital, leave it at the ER,
Don't get too close, don't bring it home ...

(Squeeze, squeeze ...)

THAT is impossible ... this child is mine now,
In a way that no other human
Being will ever understand,
This child and I are joined in trauma,
Joined in struggle, joined in HORROR -
The horror of this experience ...
And by all that is sacred I will NEVER
Deny that, I will ALWAYS carry her with me,

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

And I WILL see her play again,
I WILL hear her laugh, I WILL be a
Doctor who "got too close",
And I WILL take her spirit home
With me every day, just like I carry a
Piece of EVERYONE I've ever
Seen in this bloody place ...
THAT is the ONLY thing that makes
It bearable each day - those people,
Those faces, those limbs and bones
And organs that we struggle to put
Back together each and every day -

(Squeeze, squeeze ...)

There is a piece of each one of
Those people that stays with me
For all time, and it is the treasure
That I covet with all that I am ...
It is the medal I have earned ...
Their spirits are the invisible
Tokens that we tuck away ...

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)

Their lives are the truly precious
Wealth that we value above
All else, or we wouldn't come
Back each day for more ...
This little one WILL laugh again,
And I will tease her about
Holding her heart ...

(Squeeze, squeeze ...)

As I SHALL ALWAYS hold her heart,
(Whatever happens)
And we'll laugh about
How silly that sounds ...
And her smile will help to
Warm this weary world ...
For years to come ...
I KNOW it will ...
If only ...

If ONLY ...

(Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze ...)
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