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Personal Note:

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Poem

My confidence in you wavers, 
the sweetness of your words wither,
they curdle forming blatant remarks, 
and broken promises.  

These words hurt me, 
building a storm of anger, 
and you know this,
yet day after day you remind me. 

My mistakes were of yesterday, 
and yet today you refresh them, 
refusing to let the past lie in the past, 
condemning me for choices made,
long before I ever knew your face.

I twist this wedding ring, 
spinning it slowly around my finger, 
and you call me names;
hypocrite, two faced, fake;
F.A.N you say, F.A.S - 
Letters you say for words, 
and I know what they mean. 

You forget that not only are you reminding me of my mistakes,
but you are also throwing in my face, 
the very man who beat and raped my body,
the man who crushed my soul so that when you saw me, 
all you found were broken pieces of a girl drowning,
the water filled with electric current.
 
Your daily task is to remind me,
of a past I wish I could forget, 
of moments that I regret,
of memories that made me broken.
 
Your words make me feel dirty, ashamed, damaged,
you make me feel my baby is wrong - instead of the miracle that he is,
you claim to love us and I sit here and wonder -
why do you want to marry me? 
why did you choose to be with me?
 
You knew all about me, 
the day you met me, even before, 
and now, ring on my finger, 
you tell me that I am everything you hate, 
you wish that I would change.

And I saw you for who you were, 
and raised you - check mate, 
I chose to love you despite everything, 
I accepted you - but you stopped accepting me. 
I fell in love with the way you treated me, 
I was a Queen, a priceless thing, precious and fragile, 
cherished and adored, beautiful and everything you had hoped for.
Now, none of those things seem to be true,
What happened to you?

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