Email Poem

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Poem
You meant nothing to me
you were only a game
I saw in you kindness
A heart easy to tame
The devil inside me smiled
And spilt my golden lies
I never thought about the day that
I’d bring sadness to your eyes
I know I hurt you
I’m not sorry
But it’s something I regret
And yet
You can bet
I’d play this game again
It’s not that I enjoy watching pain
Perhaps I enjoy spreading it
My own lack of trust converted to
lust
I can’t deny that I’m afraid
For so long I’ve felt this way
For so long I’ve been playing this
game
A game that makes me find a smile
from seeing another’s broken heart
A game that survives because I
play my part
A game where I take and don’t
give much
A game where I choose to care less about
karma
A game where I get someone who
wants me to love them back like
they love me like a mother, father,
sister or brother
But I know my heart is possessed
by another
I need someone to hurt so I can
feel alive
I need to feel better about being
hurt when I see how many I’ve hurt
in my archive
In the beautiful space of love I
choose to make a mess
In something that is not a game I
choose to play chess
In something someone takes as a
blessing I choose to make it a
curse
This is not the last time because I
didn’t do it first
I will forever be this way because
my heart too wasn’t nursed
Perfectly, so I walk this earth as a 
beautiful song but only on a
broken record
My tune in place, a perfect pitch
and yet I’ll leave nothing when
God flips my switch
Nothing but my score sheet from
all the games I’ve played
Nothing but a list of all the hearts
that I’ve betrayed
I’m ashamed, Lord please change
me -or is it too late?
Will you change the path I’m on, or
will this be my fate?
I can’t even tell if I really loved her
My feelings somehow blend
In the end I’m left like this
Alone within my world of pretend
The truth is honestly, I’m scared
Can I risk sharing all I am?
..and what if I’m just her game and
love is one big mental scam?
Nothing but a player
Nothing but a washed off layer
Of what used to be love but
nothing is fair
A black world that doesn’t care
If I’ve got the white flag up all it
does is dare
me to destroy more hearts
More broken pieces, more cuts
Confidence in breaking hearts with
no buts
Let them believe in love like people
in a mass
Then when it’s time to give my
heart up I take a pass
One man for himself and God for
us all
My heart is for Him and not for any
other person at all
I’m a self destructive bomb
Whenever you think life is good, I
blow.
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