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Him, he’s so dangerous but so safe.How can someone like him be so broken??His smile oh my gosh it’s so priceless I swear he doesn’t know his true worth.To me no mental diagnosis would be able to describe his way of emotions so damaged he wants to go into a never ending deep sleep.I want him to know what his existence means to me if only...if only he knew...Even if I try to bring this up to him he simply nods his head in such a disagreement way.It’s him that helps me realize we all go through rough patches sometimes we need more convincing to reassure our existence is wanted in this porcelain world that he just wants to see crush in pieces that couldn’t be mended together.After your determination of never finding happiness you left me with the choice of giving up on...you...I did so eventually.I heard utter silence from you for weeks, I asked myself was I not of a good help to you or was I giving you false hope?.I couldn’t gather the correct answer to my curiosity so I marched thirty minutes to your home.Stepping on your front steps brought back memories no one could replace.The third step was the hardest for I was inches from your front door, I knocked lightly surprised your mom heard the slight sound of my knuckles pouncing on your white fading door.So she pulled open the door and behind the door she stood with such anger and sadness painted on her face I to felt what she was feeling but had no idea what was the purpose of such pain in my chest and stomach.We sat at the table for hours bringing up little memories we had with you and of you.The idea I couldn’t gather up was that her words kept referring to past tense events like there won’t be any more memory making, like you weren’t here.To answer my curiousity I blurted out and asked, “where is he?” she replied, “sweetie, umm...you didn’t hear..he’s gone.” I was so scared at this point and didn’t know how to react so I stood out of the chair and yelled at her screaming of such pain asking where you were.She couldn’t even look at me in the eye, lowering her head slowly she said, “he committed,” I no longer had control of what my body decided to do next.There I fell to the floor almost crushing my bones and cried my heart out aching and asking why you did it why you were so determined to give up a life you were meant to live in the most unimaginable way.All this time I knew your temptation but never knew you would take it this far I seem to have been mistaken, all I wanted was the feeling of your arms around my body, the sound of your voice...oh my gosh…”I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact you are forever gone never heard anymore you had me...why would you.” so many tears fell out of my glossy eyes that all this felt like a nightmare, so badly I wanted it to be so there my body laid motionless my eyes shut and you were there...in my thoughts at least this is all you left me...pain.I couldn’t fathom the reasons for your doing for I could’ve outnumbered your points..if you just gave me the chance of loving you the way you deserved.Your smile is a forever memory I repeat each year on this day.
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