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I swear there’s no heaven
I’m just twenty seven

Two toddlers, never married
Two fathers, my life far too harried

I bartend and wait tables
My life doesn’t resemble storybook fables

I live stressed out with fatigue
I often wonder if I’m out of my league

The speed of life too fast
So many responsibilities have me gassed 

Two young lives depend on me for their future
Keeping my job, paying my bills, where’s the adventure

Just a short escape every now and then
A shot, hit or bump
Anything to rescue me from this slump

No one will know
I’ll be smart, I’ll start out slow

A surefire way to bring relief, a moment of peace
The mayhem of life will begin to cease

My son taunts his sister without meaning
She sits, face flush, tears streaming while screaming

Five or six bumps, eight shots of whiskey
My mind, slowly overcome wanders dreamily 

Standing only in bra and panties
I run my fingers through dirty hair
Glancing vaguely at my children I become unaware

My eyes sparkle, forehead dampens, jaw slackens
I pray for a priest to hear my confessions
I stumble sideways
Colors blurring becoming only grays

I hear my little girl sobbing 
Her brother tormenting

The grays become white as I stare in their direction
For me, this crisis is a holy moment of inflection

An outline takes shape in blinding white light
I’m at peace, without feeling fright
Eventually I see myself when only eight, a humbling sight

I watch as my memories flood the room
Such peace of mind as if back in the womb

I see my childhood past, so innocent
A time before being subjected to judgment

No responsibility 
Everyone loved me 
Life so simple, joyous and free 

So simple I revel in staying up past eight
So simple a bubble bath is my best playmate
Such vibrant fairy tales my mind would create

The days before school when learning brought glee
When thunder scared me and lightening dared me
When grandpa's beard was a scruffy toy
When my teddy bear meant great joy

Look there, I’m playing with my dog, pretending to be one
And there, I carelessly dance under a summer sun

I remember how I felt and now openly question why I need 
A bump and shot enabling the next day to proceed

Lying prone upon the floor
I must have passed out
Complete silence, nothing close to a shout

My little girl, my little boy, sitting at my side
Each having my hand in theirs, wishing all of us could hide
Both with a single tear slowly streaming from an eye

Somehow I’ve returned
During my pilgrimage, there’s so much I’ve learned

Nothing will take me from my children
I choose to mend my life that has been broken

I’m no longer a child
But I can believe life’s simple pleasures are no less wild

So many little things can set me free
Sending me upon a different life journey

Elusive happiness just might be found, by things like finding 
Comfort in a cookie
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