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I opened Paris' letter and cry


my heart dropped
my fingers trembled
I opened Paris' letter
mama it's been three days ...
then the dam burst, 
not the happy kind
unregretfully
the kind that spells gloom
sobs of tears roll down my face
uncontrollably 
I see in my daughter 
such courage and bravery
sleeping in a cardboard box
Subsisting on poem money
Intergrating with the street rats
my oh my, who would have thought
black bears chasing down river
towards the both of us
who would have thought
I wipe the pain out of my eyes
I even muse at ...at
such red herrings, too
my baby is too smart
her last words in her letter
mama get your feet wet
it wasn't her softball coaches after all
it was me
it was me
me trying to find a man
me trying to find my whisperer
she read my diary to have known this
she was jealous, I don't blame her
she didn't want me replacing her dad 
only had she warned me
I am sickened, please God punish me to save Paris
Selfish me trying to rekindle the flame
Please God hear my prayer in time of need
I vow a life of celibacy should she be found
I promise on my life to you God
I'll never sleep with man
Selfish me
Please bring my baby home
I hold my head in my hands
With nobody to rest my sorrows on
a caring shoulder, an oasis
It's me, help me my angels
from the Heavens in my time of need
I give alms in prayer and having a good heart
yes I do
Please my angels, look over me
Next I see a Phoenix address
Another red herring
Postmaster traced the letter to Seattle
My baby's smooth, I give her that much
So reminiscent of her father
I need to drive to Seattle, ASAP
From Sacramento
It's a 12 hour drive
I can do it, I know I can
Can I do it my angels from Heaven?
the voices in my head becoming more prevalent
during days of darkness, like now
voices keep calling out, urging me on
I'll need to get an emergency leave from work
Do some research on the homeless culture
Maybe it's best I integrate as a homeless person, too
I can do it
I can do it
I'm on her trail
As I yell from the crescent moon, yelling 
from a lost crater, my voice echoing
Echoing, echoing
My baby hears me
I can sense it
She hears me
She'll see a basset hound coming upon her
Yes she will
She'll  see a brown one, flapping and wagging her tail
and licking her face happy
yes she will
Please let it happen
I beg for salvation
Please God look over us
In our times of need
Especially in the face 
of life, weather and man
I'm leaving tonight
as I close my eyes
and cross myself

connie pachecho

12/29/16
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