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She Cries Daughter's Absence

my worst fears realized
my daughter gone missing
my one and only
precious hope in life
it's beyond surreal
it's being torn over and over,
by those black bears running down river
ripping me apart time and time
if only I could have foreseen the future
of my 11 year old pumpkin
maybe I should have had Paris see a doctor
or somebody, I didn't realize she was taking it so hard
where were the signs?
today I met with the police
for hours, five antagonizing hours
like I was the one being interrogated
watching them play good cop, bad cop
it was silly men with clown's mask on
where were you miss ... ya right ... point fingers at me
why, who, what, when, how
gees, I wanted to cry
help, help, help
but I have no one here to put a shoulder on
this is beyond sad, it's sick
even with the police thinking I was a suspect
can you believe that, me a suspect
they can shove their standard operating procedures
down the toilet
for all I care
here, here take these photos of Paris and my signed statement
and then race off to your donuts shop
pigs
you pigs, you fat pigs
sorry I'm just mad, I'm not myself right now
obviously
I'm on a crescent moon
stuck in a crater by my lonesome yelling for help
and no one is listening
and by the way
to little piggies
after you had your fill of sugar  
please check the school and the boy
that asked her to the bunny hop
I wanted to say, too
they did, with bellies full I guess of Dunkin's
sorry for the rant ... but please
bare with me this one time, please
moondust is cluttering my thinking
it's blurring my vision
and clouding my hope
just for you to know 
I'm one pill away from ending this existence
should Paris not come back, one small pill
I already purchased a ticket to the moon
gees I don't know, I'm so lost
Like a lone salmon drifting down the river
to those black hungry bears 
Please I say to my angels, help
Paris really did write her script this time
she took nothing with her, the sacrificial lamb
no backpack, no clothing, not even a jacket
her piggy bank was fully intact
not even food from the kitchen
I cry surreal, so revolting at life
she only took the clothes on her back
I cry my damnation, 
take me instead devils
poor me a widower, whom the day before
wanted to get her feet wet again
I got punished
why me, did Paris read my diary
have entered my thoughts, too
I mean it could be a launching point for her
would she? I wonder ... she did miss her father
I need to think
Please God, help

connie pachecho

12/28/16
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