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a ma lingering effect from angst riddled adolescence 
written some years ago, the psycho social mental events
indelible imprint etched psyche ova this pa on a win tree day hence
though a survivor of self starvation i yam confounded 
   what drove this emotional, physical and spiritual sense
less (and socially costly) ambition to die with fur vents
see, that invariably can let me be linkedin to other gals or gents
enduring the quotidian onslaught of this immense
lee debilitating illness of the mind, where emaciation reveals abs cents
of properly healthy flesh, which grim reaper insignia 
   viz skull and cross bones readies to snatch a body to dispense.
despite forty three birthdays elapsed 
   since cataclysmic eruption rent asunder
while ironclad maiden of deathly hallows clasped
   psyche, an internal maelstrom wrenched 
   worthiness pitting mien as blunder
bulldozing with razorblades 
   former childhood wondrous glee raising suicide
quiet riotous ambition, a painfully slow 
   (self starvation) mine inexorable ride
which chronological frieze kept hog tied 
   and hide bound this one grown male
dredging haunting spectre – 
   where to be gratefully dead – within elysian dale
youngest o me two female progeny 
   segued untrammeled ten plus eight years 
on february fourth two thousand seventeen 
   triggers flashback to wretched tears
sans that insidious roiling jagged stone 
   shredding/ thwarting desire to be alive
shockwaves extant to this day - 
   no matter long since recovered from nose dive
emotional, psychological & social repercussions 
   hound me present mental state
indelible permanent scars 
   (per anxiety, panicky, quirky tics) seem never to abate
try as I might to shake free 
   from the riptide affects that drowned this boy to grow 
he experiences an especially perilous remembrance 
   of that abysmal infernal woe
when thee second punim o thine 
   two lovely offspring passed that milestone age
with nary a hint how her papa felt locked up 
   within his abysmal agonizing stage
impossible to forgive permanent harm 
   inflicted not only on self but searing pain
my late mother & octogenarian father 
   whose angst this dada insight re: did gain
from bringing forth his own progeny each a smart reed
exploring cornucopia of life experiences - 
   unlike mice elf at their ages
   which years eclipsed at break neck speed
whereby each special daughter - 
   daring to block and tackle challenges indeed
with great rolly poetry to engender.
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