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If I was able to say all i wanted to say,
If you were able to get into my heart and my brain,
If God would grant me a moment for you to feel my heartbeat,
To understand why this silence, I keep,
When I was young I was scared to speak outloud,
I kept everything inside, I was nervous around crowds,
I sat in my room and read books all the time,
Anything to get away from the abuse in my life,
Disiplined to the extent it strangled my heart,
No room for mistakes, you must play the part,
There were moments I'd throw my hands in the air,
And step out of character and scream I don't care,
But those moments would shortly fade away,
It was too late, I admit I was trained,
Until one day my heart was about to burst,
I couldn't stand the image that constantly judged my worth,
I was good for you but what about me?,
I didn't know how to communicate to set my heart free,
I was taught to sit straight, don't move, don't speak,
perfection, and purity to the highest degree,
Anything less would be a sin,
I thought I must be going to hell, awh, hell I can't win,
I pondered is this what makes me righteous, playing the good girl routine,
When half the time I was praying for all my thoughts that were mean,
Isn't the thought just as bad,
Was it any better to stay silent through these feelings I had,
If I stood up for myself, would you love me less?,
Because I didn't go by your regimine, or pass your test,
I seperated myself to find myself again,
I got lost in your rules, questioned love as pretend,
I have friends who have struggled through this religious conform,
It has literally pushed their heart's out the door,
when acceptance beats their heart down to the point of no return,
And they've been trained for so long, they forgot who they were,
God sees the innocents and their heart layed bare,
My God sees the reasons, his love never fails....
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