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 A Letter to Granddad

I remember the last moments before you passed away
Walking out the door, and hearing you say
“I can’t remember his face, I can’t remember his name”
I could hear in your voice, your suffering and pain
It truly hurt to notice, what you had become
Seeing you so fragile and physically numb
They dosed you up med’s so you didn’t hurt 
But it all did was drain you, make you less alert
You became more and more fragile every time I would visit
I had to keep telling myself , you were terminally hit
The night you finally passed to the other side
There was no one with me, no one at my side
I had to stand there, as the guy that was strong 
Not just for myself, but for everyone
Because of my ways, I had no time to grieve
Which made me push friends, to the point they would leave
I started taking my pain out on the ones that was close
They knew I was hurting, but I hurt them the most
For years and years I kept it all in a bottle
Until one day, my foot hit the throttle
I started to lash out, I’d scream and shout
I wouldn’t tell anyone what it was all about
Then I met some special, I know you would approve
She would have melted your heart, without a point to prove
She made me realise, I had something to do
That’s go to your grave side, and talk to you
I hadn’t done that, since the day you were rested
I should have gone off my own back, not when suggested
But the longer I left it, the harder it was getting
I didn’t want to lose my strength, didn’t want upsetting
I know it was selfish, and being selfish isn’t me
Thankfully that special one, made that clear to see
I had a lot of grief, that I held for so long
When I visited you, it all came out as one
Now I feel I have finally had that chance grieve,
I can become stronger, and I can start breathe 
I only have one thing, that I have left to say
I love and miss you granddad, each and every day
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