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Personal Note:
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Poem
I forget
at times 
how much 
this hurts.

Like a butterfly
whose wings have been
torn apart
I sit here
quivering inside
closing my eyes
as I let waves of pain 
wash over me
knowing that I 
cannot ever
overcome
completely.

The nature of pain
is not to destroy
but to make the pained
wish for destruction
as the ocean yearns 
for the shore.

I forget
at times 
how much 
this hurts.

Like a vein to my heart
that has been cut
I am bleeding out 
precious crimson liquid
seeping through my body
filling me with a languor 
so close to pleasure
that it is unbearable
but unmistakable for pain
and that overwhelms
my senses
asking more 
of my empty shell to fill
then I have.

The nature of pain
is to lie quietly by
waiting for the right moment
to show its ugly face
to rear its head
that reminds me so of fear
that holds you in its clutches
thirsting for you to beg
to be
let go.

I forget
at times 
how much 
this hurts.

Like lenses 
placed by fingertip
on lucky eyes
each morning
this pain focuses
sharp and clear
on a pinpoint 
somewhere between
my gut 
and my heart
and I blink 
fitting these contacts
around the iris
so that all the pain
pouring from my eyes
is stopped
held in
pushed back
inside
so that no one sees
except me
through this clarity
newfound
unwelcome.

The nature of pain
is to fall quietly
and hit with a sound
that resounds
through the caverns
of your mind
like the screech
of a trapped
bird of prey.

I forget
at times 
how much 
this hurts.

Like a lonely fish
venturing down
to the bottom of the sea
I did not see 
the creature
fearsome
toothed wide jaw
glowing green light
hanging to light
its gruesome mask
that was hiding
behind that rock
lying in wait
for me to swim 
around the corner
so it could use 
the element of surprise
to take me down
quickly.

The nature of pain
is to systematically
break down
the only part of you
that ever matters
into tiny pieces
not available for recovery
which
even if you could
do not fit together anymore
so much
have they been mangled
by the force of that pain
until there is nothing left
but an intense desire
not to live.

I forget
at times 
how much 
this hurts.

And as I remember
I forget
myself
and I am lost
swirling as this pain
washes over me
overwhelms me
surprises me
and won’t let go.
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