Email Poem

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Poem
the tears quietly leave my eyes
but their path does not seem
to have a rhyme or reason
and they have no destination
no purpose but to outline
my ‘self-imposed misery’
with glistening and watery pain

i want to cry
every hour of the day i want
to cry out and shout my anger
at a world that doesn’t give me
answers to my desperately
fervently whispered questions
and i wish on every first star
i can find hoping
that my prayer will be granted
and this all ends

lost and dead inside
i float through an existence
filled with silent sobs
and nights of lasting agony
not from anything valid
just from the disgusting and despised
life i make my self live

yet if i knew how to escape
without being gone forever
if i knew how to fix
this hole in my heart i would
do it and be happy after
and not have to worry about this
pressure in my chest and this constriction
in my throat and the nasty creature
that gnaws at my insides
the creature that is anger  and
depression two sides of the same coin
with terror sandwiched in between

these free-flowing thoughts that course through
my fingers and out onto this screen
do not seem to have direction or any
order and truly they don’t 
except to highlight the darkness in my 
soul that buries deeper into the shadows
every minute the blackness that engulfs me
grows stronger and i pant
out of breath i try to reach
the lighted surface but am held down by
the tendrils of agony that have
wrapped around me

the tears quietly leave my eyes
but i make not a sound
alone as i am
there is no need to let anyone know
of the knife protruding from my chest
and the needles that pierce my mind
letting these ramblings leak out 
and drip onto the page
where they lose all meaning and are
only a jumble of words trying and failing
to shift into coherent sentences
akin to the pieces of my life
that are racing to fit together
into the picture they are supposed to 
create but the salt water is melting the
paint and the colors are bleeding 
until i am unrecognizable just
pigment no living painting
in the sight which is blinded by
the tears that quietly leave my eyes
and drop to the floor.
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