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This change is the only thing that I had no control over
What I discover now is that I never had nor ever will have any control over it
That the stillness was always there
That there was nothing to achieve
That it was always way beyond me
And totally was me, every atom
No, it was never something outside of myself, but was something that I had to be still enough to see was always there
As I am aware of doing now, curious about what is going on
Curious about who I am, who I really am
About all these layers and levels that form a human life that I am privileged to be able to view and feel and experience from the inside
As we are all able to do, equally
Each of us given this gift
Consciousness happening now
Without effort or specialness
Without conditions, no ‘buts’
No one has more consciousness, nor less
It’s just a case of knowing that that is the bottom line, nothing else
Of trying everything else, of going round the houses
Of climbing into the misty mountains and returning to the market place
Of doing everything special and coming back to the normal
Knowing that we are who we are
Which is what we sought and what we saw in those glimpses that they say are difficult to sustain
That created more division than we’d ever known before
Thinking that we now had a higher and lower nature
An ego and an authentic self, battling it out endlessly
More divided than ever and further from the real
Though even in that we never moved away
Just that it distracted us
Delaying knowing and feeling that it’s simply this, simply this 
Which is everything
Including the battle between the ego and the authentic self and all other internal warfare
Knowing that it is not who we are
Noble and interesting though it may sound
A worthy life project, do we dare to abandon it?
That would surely be nihilism or defeatism?
That would be worse than all the struggles and battles
Like giving up
Like dying
We are the event horizon in which everything is happening
Are we going to quibble about what arrives on that horizon?
Accepting this and throwing away that?
Nit picking for the authentic bits and chucking out the ego bits?
Making the best of a bad job
An endless wheel
Distraction from the real
Come down from the mountain, there is nothing missing here
The real awaits us, for when we are ready
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