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Poem

All those pictures you drew with bright pastels on black paper
Peacock tails and phallic flowers upward rising
Into swirling mists of yellow and orange
Licked below by fire
You hid the ugliness beneath vivid strokes of purple and blue
You scored the paper with knives of red blood bleeding paint
Across the pretty shapes
When he walked out of the room
And nobody was watching
You plunged the crayon hard through the page, breaking it
You cried hot tears rushing down your cheeks burning your face
Scorching onto the paper
Melting in with red and yellow and blue
Faster your hand raced across the sweet images
Desecrating them and showing the real you

We know you know!! We know it was you, all this time
You hid beneath masks, your peacock eyes your Chinese masks
And hats and wild walls of crimson
It was you 
It was you
It was you!!
You didn’t build those crazy walls to keep them out
You built them to save them from you and your anger 
Your jealousy your rage your black heart

You are the black beast
You are the black cat creeping round the bed
You are the blurred shadows in the darkness scaring yourself in the night
You are the fast heart beat 
You are the antagonist
The martyr
The manipulator
The liar
The thief
The cheat
It was you, all along
It was you.



I turned the light off that night, for the first time
I lay in bed and looked out of the window, I saw a thousand stars
I breathed in deeply while soft ballads played on the stereo
I imagined the sea washing cool over my feet, I breathed in
The sea spray, the seaweed, the drift wood
I slept, after so long, so many sleepless nights hiding from the moon
I slept
I slept
My dreams were kind to me
It was the first night
It was the best night

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