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Happy birthday, my love…. Today you turn forty-seven years old, dear sister... May your wings shine brighter today than ever before. May my smile bring you joy and laughter. Oh, how your laughter saved me so many times. You had these big brown eyes with a tiny slant on the side. You wore your heart on your sleeve yet held too much empathy that only one soul could handle. I miss you dearly Karen. I still need you, and still breathe for you. I still wear your cross-shaped brown leather wristband sometimes. You were wearing it when you died. I swear it still smells like you. You wouldn’t believe how much has changed since you left. Ella is going into fifth grade and considers herself a “tween”. You should see her play basketball Karen. She’s amazing, you would be so proud and be at every one of her games. She misses you too. She still remembers all the fun times you had with Charlie and Lola and “butterfly”. Every Halloween you were there. Her preschool graduation came and there you were right next to her so I could snap a picture of my daughter and her Ti-Ti. All the sleepovers and fun in the pool... I have grown so much. The last time I saw you I was barely two years sober. Now I am over seven years sober. It’s mostly because of you I have traveled this far. There were many times I was so angry at you for leaving intentionally. Why would you want to die? I try to understand this because I too, have been in your shoes before. Many people in the world felt like you did. I am living proof that I do not want to turn out like you. Yes, you carried a beautiful essence and always will but in the end seeing you that way I promised myself I would push forward and want to live. Your family was shattered. So many memories could have been made with you. So much laughter could have been worn on all our faces. We would have made so many inside jokes with Jen and Shawnna. I just got back from visiting Jen in Tennessee with Ella. We spent the week just hanging out with the kids doing stuff only sisters do. We were missing one thing during our time together. You. Because I know we would have made the trip together. We would’ve stopped at Speedway three times and ate at Hardee’s. We would have taken the kids to the pool and searched for bears. We took the kids roller skating and Ella must have fell ten times! Things just aren’t the same around here, but I will tell you this… My love for you will never change. It only grows as time passes and every day I heal a little more. I will never heal completely but It does get easier. Life is good and so are you. The greatest woman I will ever know. I thought I’d die when you left but I have grown, Living without you seemed so truly impossible, So many questions have been left unknown, No one else but you is directly responsible. I thought I’d forget all our memories we shared, Living without you seemed full of pure sorrow, So much laughter, and no will ever compare, There will always be a brighter tomorrow. forget you never faith in the Lord spreads healing forever sisters Happy birthday, my love…. Today you turn forty-seven years old, dear sister... May your wings shine brighter today than ever before…. RIP Karen 7/1/69-10/31/10
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