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Poem

I can't blame anyone but myself
I can't blame her
but what ran through my head
when I gave the confirmation
It's like when a kid sees his mom leave out the door to the store
and 10 minutes later 
wonder where she went and if she's coming back
To have her here in front of me
my girl
I can't measure up the courage to speak
I can't measure up the stamina to stand up
and wrap her in my arms
to her I say I'm sorry
Right now, I have no mind
right now, my eyes are frozen
locked in place
For a brief moment
I'm locked in time and space
feeling the impact of the blow
of seeing with my own two eyes
of finding my very initials
my very name
carved, cut jaggedly into your arms
What ran through my head when I gave permission
I can't blame her, I can only blame me
The answers, I'm fumbling for my lines
the right questions to ask
but your laughter brings confusion to my lips
ringing in my ears
just hearing it knocked the wind out of me
What, what on earth is funny
What, what is the joke I missed
Where is a corner for me to sit and mope
where is a corner for me to sit and stare
to sit and getaway
I can't, I can't look in her eyes
and see what she's turned into
I can't, I can't look in her eyes
and see what I might find
Fear, worry, anger
please don't knock on my door
I refuse to answer
yet they broke the door down anyway
It felt like there a gun pointed at my heart
and while I tried to communicate
get everything settled
hold on to my last bit of sanity
trying to recover every last bit of hers
she pulled the trigger
and there it went, the last bit of me
and there it went, I lost
and there it went, my final words
I give up
she reversed it all back to me
I give up
she reversed it all back to me
and then walked away
I give up
I give up

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