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I want to say something to your face, to your ears grab your carefully created structure and like an earthquake shake you till your focus lays upon the red ball above the echo of my words When I tried this last, you overlooked an entire message for just one line don't stop there, continue on look, learn, feel listen entirely, it's important important to me that you, you know that you, you understand where I've been coming from Listen I loved you...still do but I give up, give up on this eternal uphill pursuit of you Listen I love you but honestly you don't know how much I've hated your presence, hated your face, hated your name for every love, every affair you made me a spectator a witness to How could you not see all these years I chased you came back to you wasn't because of jealousy nor bitterness all these years I only wanted to gain back what I lost in you make up for lost days, know what I didn't and in my head, no distance or force would keep you from me but you...at every turn you tried to dissuade me tried to cut off my tail cut both my wrists in assisted suicide so I would stop in my tracks and seek aid from someone else a distraction so I would remove my handcuffs from you and you could roam free from my constant hazy gaze I get it, I understand and in our own parameters of innocence we both believed we were on the right side of morality we are both selfish in pursuit of our personal goals of satisfaction yet I still need you to know all I wanted was what I was missing out on all I wanted was the love I was never shown the chances I was the last one in line for an opportunity to prove I could be a different someone a better someone to you but I fumble when I try to speak try to do anything for you You are the very source of my depression an obsession I can't rid myself of I always want to impress you, to be the one to give you attention be this hero to you though I always fell second best always kept a body's length away made a brother in a twisted sense and that wound cut deeper than any blade could Have you noticed I'm never happy anymore you weren't the cause but played a big part of the tag team effort that ruined me I'm the hulk on the inside a full embodiment of rage behind a smile so fake because I've tried to so hard to move on as fast as you moved on from me though I could never find those missing pieces you tore apart so I fall to bits and am fed to the carnivores again Why am I telling you all of this I want you to know this for I've tried times of thrice to tell you completely how I feel so I can give up and be happier so I can give up and abandon my hope on being the happiness you've already found in another I will never get you back and I have to live with that so I give up and give back the grudges I've held over you 7 years and I'm tremendously fickle on how I feel about you so I call it quits, I say stop, I give up now all I want is to be a better friend to you say I love you one last time for memory to know that I did truly just so you know, fall asleep so I can wrap my head around the idea I've faded from your memory that we're only islands connected by bridges yours made of gold while mine is under repairs attempting to be silver We're only islands now but I'd rather keep you at a distance rather keep you as a friend than spend one more night fighting myself over the idea to place you in a cocoon at the back of my mind and let you slowly decay or allow you to run loose a butterfly within my stomach and permit you to grow fangs and instruments of pain to cut me open and run amuck all over me
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