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growing up too soon you said: is there anything more excruciating than lagging behind being passed by a hasbeen still knocking on portals twitching toes twirling thumbs in fidgety drawn-curtained waiting rooms and the always taken-for-granted toiling mothers maimed in mid-life stoopbent under rotting burdens eternally putting-up with their disgruntled men pining for fresh meat their children far too busy suckling roaming the woods for stray milch cows are parents less prone to feeling deserted or girls when young given to much much too much you know to what the side-saddle bum flabs the hangdog lips and nose-tips and nostrils sore grainy red innocence crushed (wu wang hexagram 25) the conning leer lurking behind the simulated orgasm blazé finicky O dear my split varnished nail the mignardise growing up too soon leaves you a little behind hesitant no fresh tarts nor the leisure of making belief the privilege of mending emotional fences nor the time to toast things over in the backburner or prepare for the day when you may retire in style proclaim to the world your ardent wishes convictions reforms revolutions growing up too soon leaves you a toddler thrusting up in the hunched back regrets simmering in the bitterly polluted taste buds chewing the tongue neither the leisure to pipedream muted laughing peels reverberating rocambolesque within soiled sheets keeping the persona humoured till you stand up wide awake stripped nor the frolicking flaming female mid-summer fudge growing up too soon is not just bypassing a whole generation of ghosts you look back dazed to watch grand nephews and nieces twittering in space-curved time living in a sort of limbo in a cramped attic crib snorting the crawling dust unread books breed heating for the third time your oat meal porridge casting stolen looks from behind drawn curtains wondering who’s going to benefit from your garnered gains watch callow lads and frisky girls and wonder when was it you last grew up dallied amongst them unsure you knew any of the kind you see as women today growing up too soon is to forfeit something you never had nor can ever have yet you refuse to let it go even as unwon bread all through your teens seizing handouts the rightful boon until the recurring pain of tendons exploding make you see round the foreshadowed corner round the spacetime’s curve and know there’s really nothing to cry about nor there’s anything you can do without the damn thing which slips through the thinning crop straggly on your bald pate growing up too soon’s a blessing you know you want for the maimed for the gnarled and contorted for the ill-provided for the luckless for the inglorious damned to a vapid existence in the cave of their shameful lameness how you’d wished you were so blighted 1997 © T. Wignesan – Paris, re-worked from: longhand notes, 1999
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