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Apologies are due Apologies are due yet I am not the one to say them Apologies are due but but I am not the one not today to give them Fir all I have to give is a need to vent a need to utter what crawls under my skin I realize it's been my signature it's been my angle to cease cryptic language and just to be straight forward yet I just don't know how to say any of this From first to last the very first time I've felt the urge to scribble down my emotions to feel noticed, to feel... well wanted up till now my reasons have most commonly been the same: A girl Is it wrong is it so wrong that I'm the moon looking for a sun to encompass me that I'm dying grass looking for a rose to bring beauty to me that I'm just one more fragile human being looking for love Not to me but to the universe, it's one of the greatest crimes Everytime I get the courage, the strength to try like a leech the love is drained from me by abandonment the love is drained dry from me by treachery or I just become a withering old man composed of dreams and promises yet to others I'm just a boring husk of wasted space Wasted space... I'm just wasting space well so it's clearly depicted Look at what I'm dealing with One moment, one day I have it all the means to bear through my existence I have all I could need For once, me and my family were finally getting along For once, I had all my friends behind me beside me, rooting for me being there for me every step of the way I had someone to call a hopeful romance I had someone for myself and then...then it all left like dominoes...it just all toppled over My jenga tower of life it all tumbled, like I'm a toy soldier easily commanded by a child of an entity who just enjoys to see me suffer Suffer How much longer do I have to suffer a blow to my heart Why is love so fickle cause I'm stuck here again ONCE MORE AGAIN! ! ! once more again... I have no recollection of what I call her in my memoirs but just as well I might as well erase her She paints me red with rage while I try to paint myself white for comfort She comes running back to me she comes heart in hand her manner of seduction strong.... AGH! ! ! Why does temptation always deceive me I am a fool it's been the basis of our interaction but granted, it's all my fault I fail to resist the call and it was my very call that first started it all so now I fall like rocks similar to her words I love you Bah, I trade I love you now in exchange for I hate you but the more I say I hate you I want to push you as far away as I can For all these years I thought you were mine you were mine before so why mine couldn't you stay Fatal sky, why do you laugh and scorn me so I loathe this deceivery yet I can't curse you The love ones that bear your company I cannot forsake so I hate and despise everything here so I hate and despise myself while I'm unable to share tears of my self pity the rain does that for me AGH! ! ! I DEFY YOU STARS! ! ! but I am wrong... It is you who defy me defy my string of wishes I deliver to you at the hour of 11 So for then second time tonight I silence myself with sleep praying for a better week I know will never come For the second time tonight I silence myself with a sigh, a heartshot kid disaster Turning a thought over in my head: I hate you... you're a leech I can't rid myself of you're the reason is why I hate instead of love cause I give up on what I love for what I love loves to hate me
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