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I had a thing of many evenings dreamt,
A place, like treasure, where i sometimes went
To think, to dream, where feel myself i could,
To be so true i doubt i ever would.

This place, where i was feeling the most safe,
Where there was no need to be shy or brave,
Where it was warm, whether there's sun or snow,
The place, that somewhen i thought i would show.

The place, where all kind beings took their birth,
That could be claimed the heaven on the Earth,
Its walls were made out of the hardest stone,
The place, where i could truly be alone.

This neatest place, for that it was all mine,
It warmed my soul, far more than earthy rhyme,
I took it all for granted, and relaxed,
While tops of outer walls, they were collapsed.

I didn't notice, and i kept on play,
In sweet ignorance went another day,
The walls, that once kept people from my heart
Began their shrinking, starting shard by shard.

The first time cold wind blew inside that place,
I was surprised, for me that was amaze,
For i had no idea how to fix
Those walls, that then were missing precious bricks.

I ran in circles round those damaged walls,
Through gaps another nasty monster crawls,
Invading, once the safest, sacred piece,
And leaving it all covered in disease.

Another circle, stopped by main gate,
I saw the damage, hard to estimate,
The moment i could gain back my trust,
I ran, leaving the place in dirt and dust.

I strayed another day, another week,
Exhausting it became, to always seek
For place, by slightest chance could be compared
With one i had, with one that i impaired.

Without having anywhere to go,
I started my way back, the far and slow,
With only hope - that in the end, at last
I could redeem mistakes made in the past.

To my surprise, in where the ruin stood,
The ruin that i left, though never should,
Was a huge castle - like i never saw.
Only its look would make me freeze in awe.

As i first tried to walk inside that place,
In voice, unmerciful, yet full of grace,
It spoke to me, as enemy i was:
"Without you into stronghold i rose.

The time you left me to corrupt and rot,
You took your way with no having a thought.
Now go, ignorant stranger, past my door,
For you are not a welcome guest, no more".

Since then through desert of the burning sun
I walk, and grudge the things i haven't done,
Life-long reminder - skin that sun could burn:
"It's never coming back. It won't return".

-Elm Walks, 2016
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