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Disintegration of the Heart

I'm almost afraid to tell you
Exactly how I feel
In case you laugh and mock me
And my confidence steal

I want to love you, truly
I want you give you my heart
But I am so afraid you'll abuse it
And casually you'll tear it apart

I dream of us being together
Of two singles becoming a pair
My fears, though, caution me against
Daring to venture there

I believe that you will hurt me
Lead me on for twisted fun
Then abuse and humiliate me
In front of everyone

Why do you treat me so badly;
Do you want me to hate you?
That is never going to happen
It's something I just can't do

I love you so much it's painful
It keeps me awake at night
Just give me the tiniest sign that
You're willing to make this right

I can't go on like this forever
Needing you in my life
Just say the word and I will 
Willingly take you for my wife

I know that you are with him now
But that won't last much longer
My love for you is much more real
Much truer and much stronger

Once he's out of the picture, 
You will see what was meant to be 
That in spite of your protestations
You were always meant to be with me

No, I should keep my feelings to myself
Even if they do make me ill
If I don't I know that one I will snap
And I will lash out and I'll kill

It could be you or it could be him
It won't matter on the day
I will murder anybody who
Tries to get in the way

Of me getting what I want
Whether by free will or by force
What I want most of all, though
Is your love, of course

But if I cannot trust you
To be honest and sincere
How can we have a future together
Without suspicion, dread and fear?

All you have to do is tell me
That you love me clear and true
And I will give you everything:
I'll give the world to you

But if you treat me badly
Behave cruelly, sneaky or sly
Then you can kiss the rest of your life
A very swift goodbye

I love you, can't you see that?
Why won't you love me as well
You're driving me crazy acting like that
Every day is a living hell

Damn you, I love you, I hate you
I want you out of my head!
Go away you're evil
I want you damn well dead!!

**********************

I want you out of my head
I want rest, I need respite
I'm too tired to carry on loving you
When I know it isn't right

I want to die, I want to live
I want peace, I want rest
I really  want you most of all
Because, baby, you're the best 

But you don't even know who I am
Which is why our love can never be
You're my ideal, my perfect partner
My dream, my ultimate fantasy.
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