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Unquotable quotes Friends – XVI

Can friends also be lovers ; not certainly under covers.
Can friends do one another harm and stay calm ; not unless they have lost their sense of alarm.
Can you make a friend do what you will not do yourself ; what’s the use of having a friend who will not. 
Can you ask a friend for a recommendation which will get you a better job than his ; if you were him, you’d check to see if the signature was his.
Can you ask the friend running the marathon race with you to keep you company until the end ; if he does, dump him before you take the last bend.
If you asked your friend to take your sick dog to the veterinarian’s and if he agrees, give him your chihuahua, your kakatua, your Siamese twin and your cochon d’Inde, for a start. Keep the anaconda for a little later.
If you have a friend who has a large family, especially of the right sex, ask him to bring his entire family to your nudist camp at the local beach for the club’s commemoration day ; if he doesn’t, he cannot be your friend, so try another ; if the fool does, make certain the battery pack for your movie camera is fully charged and within reach.  
Can friends who know one another well enough share the same dreams ; yes, if they lick on the very same vanilla-flavoured ice-creams.
Can friends you call on the phone at home after hours not hang up before you do be trusted to fork out a loan for your mortgage payment ; if yes, then go and live with him or her at once.
Can a friend who backbites and carries tales about you be trusted to give your bride away at your seventh nuptials ? Yes, he most certainly can !
Can a friend who reviles his fellow candidates in an election primary be trusted to offer a longstanding friend a cabinet post in the event of a final resounding victory ? Indubitably, otherwise they wouldn’t be friends for that long anyway.
Can you let a friend take from you to give to a sworn enemy ; of course you can if you have been trying to get rid of her for a very, very long time.
Can a friend who never ceases to talk of having saved you from your friends be counted among your enemy’s best friends ?
Wives of friends who are always alone need to take up the trombone or trumpbone.

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2016.
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