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Poem

sometimes my words aren’t as beautiful as usual
sometimes my thoughts cannot be gathered and the words violently crash onto the page instead of flowing out of my pen
and sometimes i have nothing to write about other than the emptiness that has eaten away at me, leaving me numb
some days i am much messier than usual
my hands won’t stop shaking as my mind is stuck in outer space and Saturn’s ring is locked around my head, despite the amount of Advil i take
finally i pull myself out of it and my feet are nailed to the floorboards in my room
i’m stuck to the ground and can’t escape no matter how hard i try
even if i did escape i wouldn’t stop bleeding. 
as i stand frozen i look at what i have become, i run my eyes over my transparent skin and wonder when a gun replaced my brain since the only thing my brain can process is how easy it would be to stop breathing
because breathing isn’t as simple as it once was, i even forget to breathe sometimes
i have to force the air out of me as a ton of dirt sits on my chests and pushes me further and further into my grave
but then the gun in my head reminds me i’m not screwed up enough to actually make use of it, so i continue to breathe.  
m.r.

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