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A Questioning Child 

Part 1

Hearing the rushing sound, 
Of my footsteps within,
Dissecting thoughts found, 
Deep down memory lane fishing,
Always felt hollow, 
Borrowed external stimuli while wishing,
My existing existence,
Had a purposeful purpose to follow, 
Yet again still feeling hollow, 
As I swallow the confusion,
There has to be an explanation,
So I start to question, 
While on this inner quest…………
Where do all these thoughts come from?
I assumed the conscious mind wasn’t this shallow,
Subconscious Schema automatically tells you,
Firstly manifesting it into sorrow,
Lastly a child messed up as ya follow,
Asking will it be a brighter day tomorrow?

In the distant past,
An ill child that couldn’t grasp,
All the experiences that were vile,
Was wild and hid inside and kept hidden,
Was hard to fit in, felt like my thoughts were forbidden,
So I kept sitting within,
Seeing all these questions hittin me as I scream,
 Please God, Please!!! Answer thee, 
That was my wishful thinking while on my knees,
Answer my questions so I can believe,
In you! Show me proof cause I know the proof is in the pudding,
Sorting through my thoughts but eventually they distort,
You never answered so I was caught by all sorts,
The devils spirit fought inside of me and ALL my dreams,
Even till this day as I fade,  
Was I made with another eye to see?
Just tell me what you want me to be!!!
Dear God………… Dear God, can you hear me? 
All I wanted was you on my team,
But deep down I found,
Everything wasn’t quite what it seems,
What does this all mean?
Is all this just a brainwashing scheme?
Was sure life must have a purposeful theme, 
I was so keen but thorns of ignorance was born,
Torn apart, from the start all because I cared,
But fear was rampant so I was scared,
I would go to sleep at night fully in dread,
I always questioned the following thoughts of what I said…………
Ignorantly saying, “I wish I was dead”.

To be continued......at part 2

Quincy Mac
date written: 13.12.2015
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