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The wife and I just recently, joined the clan of scrimp and save,
But we’re hoping that this attitude won’t send us to our grave,
So we added to this latest fad, and put upon our plate,
That we’ll never buy another thing without a use by date.

Shopping in the supermarket, we would amble down the aisle,
And one by one we’d check the goods, and give a nod or smile,
For we’d check for fat, then sugar, and seek its healthy trait,
But before we made a final choice, we’d check the use by date.

And if by chance that day is gone, and the goods are still on sale,
I’d protest to the manager, ‘take ‘em down or go to gaol!’
Often I am offered little bribes, but I just tell them straight,
‘My wife and I will never buy, an over use by date!’

It’s turned our shopping into art for the wife and cagey me,
Perusing every label on the shelf; and every use by date we see,
And as we shop we plan our week, so nothing’s wasted on a plate,  
Making sure we use, what we do buy, before its use by date.

Of course there’s bargains on a Sunday, found at a local fete,
Where some will compromise a price, when out of use by date.
You don’t know what you’re buying. You could be tempting fate!
So money doesn’t come into it. We live by the use by date.

But today is one occasion when, me nerves are put on edge,
And it very nearly changed me mind, about me ‘use by’ pledge,
So I’ll take you through the reason why, I’m forced to strive and strain,
And I told me wife who caused it, ‘don’t put me through that again!’ 

So I have to mention that today, sort of makes me face go red,
For me wife’s been taken off the pill, because of what the Doctor said,
He mentioned there’s been side effects; therefore the pill must be rejected.
He then suggested we use condoms, to avoid the unexpected. 

This stopped me in me tracks it did, for now I have to buy,
The product made for ‘safety first’… but I’m too flamin’ shy!
So we compromised for what is best, the wife walked out the door,
And came home shortly with the goods… a box of twenty-four.

She threw the pack across to me, and said ‘now read the box’.
‘Hey I don’t need instructions!’ Is my reply that duly mocks,   
But scanning just for scanning’s sake, I felt this jolt of horrer’…
‘These condoms have a use by date, and it runs out ‘tomorrer!’
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