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Personal Note:
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Poem
The thought of you leaving me scares me day after day
It haunts me and kills me in my dreams at night, when I am alone inside of my head and no one can pull my hand towards them to save me
Every morning I wake up, and I picture you doing the same in your own room, just a block away
Stretching and yawning, so you fingertips are straightened out and extending towards the pale, white color of your bedroom ceiling that I know so well
And I can hear the voice inside of your head whispering to you while you are still half asleep and naïve to your conscience
It speaks out to you and tells you about me while it wraps its thread of doubt around your brain
Twisting and tangling itself into the depths of your soul
Your eyes will be opened up by the hand reaching out from inside of you
And from them I fear that you will be exposed to all of the faults that others find in me
All of my flaws and imperfections will be laid out waiting to be held under your inspection
Row after row on an endless table with a rough, wooden surface that causes splinters
The object in your grasp will now be my confidence rather than my shaking hand, that is only still when I am with you
Because once I did not know what love was, and neither did you
I taught you, and you taught me
And I have loved you in every way that I have ever known
So if this rarity of my existence is lost and thrown away
I will end up the same
As you quicken your pace in the direction of the sun I will crawl towards an unknown darkness
You will run
Far, far, far
Away from us and the memories we have made
While I am here where you left me
In a void that can only be filled by you
The love that I can no longer have will take hold of me
It will grab my throat with its clammy hands and strangle me
Suffocate me
Until I fall from lack of air and land in a pile of heartbreak and ruins
And I hope that one day you will find me here with tear stains on my cheeks and fingerprints on my neck
I hope that on that day you will cry and hurt and bleed over me and what you have done
I hope that you will love me again for all that is left of me
Or right now, on this day, and every day that comes
You will learn to love me for who I am
Or I will learn to leave you (and it is hard to leave you, trust me)
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