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As Midnight Moon Shines Upon Her Eyes 


In a dream world where fantasies abound 
shall be where my princess is found
Wrapped in her vision an angelic choir
cherubs singing her heart's desire
Her voice soothes every hearing soul
spreading happiness her daily goal
As midnight moon shines upon her eyes
a thought comes to me so very wise 
Surely she could come to me down here
easing my hurt, wash away my fear
A soft gentle touch to my spirit renew 
help me find a love any man is due
In a dream world such fantasies exist
your heart's desire, anything on your list
 
Robert Lindley March 21, 2001

Syllables Per Line:	10 8 10 8 0 8 9 9 10 0 9 9 12 10 0 10 10
Total # Syllables:	132 
Total # Lines:	17  (Including empty lines) 
Words with (syllables) counted programmatically:
N/A Total # Words:	98

Read more at: http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_resources/syllable_counter.aspx

Read more at: http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/as_midnight_moon_shines_upon_her_eyes_636229

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Revised version--
For Roy Jerden's contest
Titled- The Makeover

Roy Jerden Contest Name	The Makeover
 Deadline	4/7/2015 12:00:00 AM 
Note From Sponsor	No updates yet...
 Contest Description	
Do you revise your old poems, sometimes extensively?
 If the answer is yes, then this contest is for you. 
For this contest, you must revise an old poem. 
We're talking about a makeover, not lipstick on a pig, OK? 
I'm looking for improvements. 
You can lengthen, shorten, move the words around,
 change the form, the meter, rhyme, assonance, 
dissonance, style, tone etc.  
Find better word combinations, nuances and 
multiple layers of meaning, metaphors, etc. 
Rules: 1. Copy the new version below the old one.
 You can delete after the contest is over. 
2. Date both versions. 3. Any length is OK, but I
 will give preference in rank to the most 
improved poems, in my opinion. 
Places assigned as merited.


Revised version below.......(Greatly improved!)


As Midnight Moon Shines Upon Her Eyes


In a dream world where fantasies abound 
in this fantasy my princess is found 
Wrapped in her vision an angelic choir 
cherubs singing her sweetest heart's desire

Beautiful voice soothes every hurting soul 
spreading happiness, is her daily goal 
A midnight moon shining upon her eyes 
this thought comes to me so very wise

Heaven is her coming to me down here 
easing my hurt, washing away my fear 
Softest touch my heart it does renew 
helping me find love any man is due

Lovely dream world such fantasies exist
her heart's desire, anything on her list

Robert Lindley, 04-04-2015

Syllables Per Line:	10 10 10 10 0 10 10 10 10 0 10 10 10 10 0 10 10
Total # Syllables:	140 
Total # Lines:	17  (Including empty lines)
Words with (syllables) counted programmatically:
N/A Total # Words:	97
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Second revised version meets syllable count and is more directly attuned to the
subject, the girl. Word count is one word less but packs a more intensive feel
and places far more emphasis on the subject -the girl.
Being a sonnet lengthening or shortening the poem was very limited but other aspects were badly needed.
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