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When I heard the news of her demise the walls came and slammed me down.
For months the only thing that was able to be felt was the blood that was to bleed.
Hate consumed me and all that was done was sprinkling tears on the ground.
From all my unreleased hatred and sorrow a bitter grass grew.
Even though the tears soaked the soil,
The despised flowering feelings so prickly and crude really grew.
All alone was a long stretch of travel.
Never looking at others in my path.
Waiting to slit every persons throat with shrapnel.
Why did you have to leave me?
My friend, if only you had the courage to stay...
Why did you end yourself?
I need to know because my poisoned tears wont stay at bay.
When he came to town it was another random joyous face.
For a time I was invisible too, until he noticed the cuts on my wrists never to recede.
It was like for a while he just wanted to get in my personal place.
The attention made every essence of my being make hatred grow.
It was like he couldn't just leave me stay depressed as can be,
Almost as if the more I HATED him, the more our bond grew.
Compassion was something his soul seethed.
For a time it seemed my heart might start to de-thaw,
It seemed for feelings, I no longer had to bleed.
My friend, if only you had the courage to stay,
Why did you end yourself?
I need to know so I can keep my wondering thoughts at bay.
When did my enemy get at my soul,
For him being here from a different town,
He seems to be transfixed on repairing my soul.
It was like he saw me as a flower beginning too bloom,
Almost all the time I was a shrew to show that I cant improve.
I proved that my toxicity is equivalent to a mushroom.
My friend, if only you had the courage to stay,
Why did you end yourself?
I need to know so I can understand why this boy makes me improve every day.
When the thought struck me that nobody ever was really here after you died,
I felt a new sensation  of peace and serenity.
My demon boy was an angel of you in my head, so I saved myself and brought pride.
I am a new tree sprouting out blossoms,
Compassion is something I will seethe.
When I see you in heaven I will show God someone as lost as me can be awesome.
My friend I understand you didn't have the courage to stay,
And I know you wanted out.
Now I know your angelic aura will have a huge role in my life day to day,
As much as I miss and love you, I'm glad you didn't have to be alone on the way out.
I love and miss you, but when I needed you most you  came through.
-LL
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