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I want to cry… but it feels as if I have no tears left to cry. I need help but when people offer I never have enough faith in them so I give up. Honestly I just want to break down and cry. Good bye my almost lover… God I miss Austin so much but he found yet another girl. I guess he couldn’t wait for me. I guess I’m not good enough for that. I want to go home and be back with him… But what if  messed things up? Ugh I hate him so much but I love that . I just wanna cry but I can’t. I’m just waiting for the superman that will never come. 
	I’m trying SO hard not to just break down and cry but… I just can’t I’m feeling so done… I want to see  so much I miss that kid like crazy. I’m done with gage but Kaid though… But I have always liked him UGH what is wrong with Me.?! SO DONE!!!!
	Soon or not so soon I’ll be dancing with the devil… I know I’m going to hell and people may want to ignore or change that fact of life… but that’s not possible I’ve chosen my ways… I don’t deserve forgiveness… I shall not repent and I shall not bow I will not shake. I will take your breath away. Maybe I’ll make a beautiful demon maybe I’ll finally be acknowledged for me… with faith with love with all I’ve ever wanted… There is no mercy for me…. I’m late with my date with destiny… but why would I even try to be on time it all ends the same way… 
	Anyways I’m still depressed for here on out I wish I could be happy for a long time… like a month or something like that… I want to be happy so bad but I just can’t... I do wanna cry so bad I can feel it deep down inside… I feel the pain… forever and always will… Ugh I love  so much but that he will never know… I should just go in a hole and die 
	During the happiest of times depression kicks in and tears me down and ripped me up into a million pieces hearts break and they may heal but the cracks still show… My heart belongs to Lee forever and always
	All I think about is him and only him… I don’t know why but it seems that I need him more that life itself.  just doesn’t make me feel that spark when I kiss him I don’t feel anything. I feel constrained I feel like it’s not love nor will it ever be… Nor is it lust… It’s fear… Fear of judgement, fear or loneness fear or oneself… and of course the truth… Fear conquers the heart & soul. The only reason we praise a man in the sky is because of fear of uncertainty… of the so called “Devil”… Of hell… of nothingness…
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