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Marian Kaye 2012
The Elements of Pain at Midnight
Can I be perfunctory about pain?
The sound of rain begins…
Having never had much pain
Old age brings opportunity
Why I wonder
Why explore the wonder?
It’s suspicious the way I hesitate
The cringe, the whine, the question and then
No embrace, just rejection
I sense a fellow creeper accompanying the rain
Still I haven’t come to the center of the experience
I lay there wondering about my reluctance
To be like Him
Whose presence is divine deliverance?
We celebrate, congratulate each other, revere, and even fear
And I was wondering about the character of
Small, little, even miniscule tethered and sharp teeth
Threatening more
The promise before craziness sets in
The knowledge is a pre-emptor state that shakes me
I am awake
There is no plan, no rain
There is no sacrifice embracing pain
Mom carries it floating on waves of time
She is laying there- prone and bone in place
A sweet secret smile on her grim face
We cannot fix the reminder of pain
We try to embrace
We hold her- strengthening soothing way
Yet our own pain is elusive- we hold back
Both hands out only to fall without grace
Like a child flying off a bike
We cannot tell pain to go-take a hike!
Still- I haven’t reached back to where I was in the center
Is that on the operating table?
I awoke with Domer on my mind
Wanting to erase the suggestion of even going there 
The nightmare bad guy vs our friend Jesus
There is fear and trembling even physical pain
Bleeding from every pore
Think of His choices
There is no comparison with mom or a dream 
Or the real world psychotics plotting
Another’s pain
We cannot put two arms out resisting change
And stopping the window, the well the witness of pain
Still is there a center where one can rest
Where the tunnel of darkness is absolute
Where there is trust and truth
Where assurance smells damp and one knows faith and pain stops 
Is then this the center?
Where we forget how we arrived and
We begin to believe
We see the light at the end of the day
The tunnel retreats
Our pain gives way
A child’s eyes are wide with surprise
Our delight we embrace the child of pain
The tears, the night, in the dark a tender rain
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