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LONG AGO LAGGER

I slipped in through the back door
It was the middle of the night
I didn't want them seeing me
My demeanor just wasn't right

I went out to have some fun
It got in a bit late, didn't call
Didn't quite make it to the bathroom
I couldn't let them see the mess in the hall

I’m sorry hon, you’ll have to take her
My head was pounding out of my skull
You explained to me your concern
My reaction was very cold and dull

I didn't have a problem
I just liked being with friends
My days were long and hard
I just craved a drink at days end


Before long I got out of hand
One night ran into the next
My days grew empty
At last my mind was perplex

I wondered if I deserved to live
I started mixing drinks and pills
Thinking that would solve my issues
However it extended my many ills

My daughter took care of me
The months I laid in my bed
Getting herself ready for school
Worried that upon her return I’d be dead

I had to stop, I had to wake up!
Something dark had captured my soul
Had God given up on me?
My transformation resembled a mole

My spirit became incomplete
The inside of me went numb and cold
My pain level rose to its highest peak
My age was young, but I was old

I had lost myself in some pity
A party I threw for dear ole me
It turned on me and became depression
Being oblivious to truth, I couldn't see

Then one day I ran out of pills
The withdraws alone were a curse
For four days I laid in agony and sweat
Praying that things would not get worse

I rolled off the bed onto the floor
Screaming in agony, crying in pain
Never in my life had I been so scared
Fighting for my life was such a drain

With tight fists clinched, I yelled out
To God I prayed for one more shot
Within moments my aching stopped
I believed right then forgiveness was sought

The next three days were amazing
No longer in that valley so low   
I was sober, as well high on that mountain
However, there was still much for me to know

I followed my heart and stood on faith
And let Jesus show me the way to go
My husband and daughter standing by me
Supporting my fight and helping me grow

It’s been many years since then
Now my actions show abundant control
Family is most important in my life
Together we worked to make me whole.

01-06-15

To my husband Brent and our daughter Hannah
Thank you for loving me and sticking like glue, cause you
Know I’d fall apart if it wasn't for you two. I love you both!
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