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i selected a drawer, one deep enough to accommodate. i looked over my remembrances, it was getting late. i took them and packed them away slowly. letting myself remember and feel wholly. there was reluctance on my part,but it had to be done. so much had happend... i had so much love, passion & fun. i placed them carefully in a draw marked sacred. i realized that my life is what i had made it. the draw is closed with my heart's iron clad seal. to please keep this draw closed, unopened for real. i reflect slowly on what was a beautiful dream. i was the "grand dame" with a dynamic man who i deemed. a dream of passion where feelings ran deep. but for him, he concluded the passion was to steep. the man, you know, the one i deemed so - he vanished, disappeared it was a “no go”. so this fabric of pleasure and pain, had been folded deftly never to be opened again. in my car while driving i hear songs, the shower, the mall ... it all triggers thoughts of him that are anything but small. the separation is sad, lonely, and filled with pain. so desperately i try not to let my dreams play again. but i am helpless or at least that is how it seems. the draw slowly glides open and out comes my dreams. against all my restraints and seals and pain. there he is emerged, playing with my heart again. i push the memories back down as hard as i can. but a song, a word, a feeling, living my life; the draw opens he is there.... and the cycle begins again.
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