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Poem

Better Without
 
I try so hard 
Not to become my fathers son
I try so hard
To be a father sculpted by Michelangelo
Painted by da Vinci
Faced with failure
Endless denial
Self deception  
To deny the truth
I am a father designed by an earless madman
I question are they better without

Trapped in a Divine Comedy
Inferno is Alpha and Omega
I wish there was a cure
Sadness filled with madness
Meds cannot take away
A brain still in pain
How do you apologize
  When the illness lets them down
The more I write
The clearer it becomes
They may be better without

They love the mania
Hate the downs
Flick the switch
From mania to a ditch
Turning from this to that
They never know which dad I’ll be
Denying them the comfort of stability
Please don’t let them be better without

What am I then?
A cancer to my family
They know I am sick
They know daddy isn't the same
Wishing he was someone else
Transparent they see what’s inside
They hate my illness
Hating myself
That shame and stain forever remains 
They now question are they better without

Face-to-face with this question
Like a coward I hide
In denial 
My blanket of lies
I am their painting of a father
A father my son doesn't want to become
The question has been answered
They are better without
  

By: Tim Lundmark

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