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Poem

Sometimes I just feel so alone. 
Late at night, I lay in bed and think. 
I'm not sure what I think about. 
My brain never focuses on one thing, but it's always running off on something.
 I cannot quite describe what it is I feel at these times. Lost, maybe. Alone, for sure. Indifferent....sad.....quiet.....unreachable.....hopeless....close to tears. 
You know those times you feel something so deep, it keeps you awake and it seems no amount of tears could make the pain go away. 
So you just lay and stare. 
Sometimes I want to move from where I am. 
On the floor or in the living room, maybe even in the bathtub as if moving will make something change within you. It's a strange type of feeling. 
A silent one. 
It's not one that is always seen, but it's presence is always felt. 
I can be the happiest of people, but get in the right moment, leave me alone for just a second and I'm gone. Fallen into the hole of which is my pain. 
I smile all the time, act as if it's not with me, but it's like a cancer. It never leaves. 
Find a cure and you feel better, but the thing that always caused you to weep remains. 
I sit and stare, zoning out on random objects which my eyes fixate on. 
So far gone, I can't fix myself anymore. 
That's what I've always done, fix myself. 
Fix the pain that sits within, reaching out only when I'm alone and it can get a grip. 
Won't someone, anyone find me? 
I'm sitting here waiting for you to discover that I'm not the beautiful, happy girl I appear to be.
 Can't you see it? 
Can't you see the difference in my eyes? 
Won't you reach down and pick me up? 
Please, please. 
I'm calling out to you. 
Don't let me fall. 
Don't let me fall. 
Don't let me....don't let....don't....

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