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Annoyances 


One of the first things to go is that
never appreciated tactile proficiency.
The ability to find the car keys in an
overstuffed bag.  Close your eyes.  Tell
me if it’s a raisin or a kumquat.
Tying my shoes is not so troublesome
as is the re-tying of them.  I’m back to
being the kid whose shoe laces untie
themselves.  Decaffeinated coffee sets
me on edge.  So does going to a steak
house and ordering chicken.  The worm
in the Tequila bottle.  The have a
nice day sign at the entrance to the
rehab.  People with “Bluetooth”
thingies stuck in their ears trouble
me.  Time was the guy waving his
arms and talking to himself was
a sign you should cross the street
and not make eye contact.  Texting,
if you want to send me a letter please
put it in the mail and let the nice
Post Office people deliver it.  If you
wish to talk to me please call or
stop by for coffee.  Directions annoy
the hell out of me.  They are usually
written by someone who never tried
to put the damn thing together using
their directions.  The GPS lady really
bugs me.  I’d rather get lost than
badgered by her recalculating tone.
Kayakers who paddle over and ask
me how the fishing is today make me
want to torpedo their boat.  Popcorn
really bugs me.  Ice cream head rushes,
forks touching that filling, small toys in
my shoes, and being old annoy me.
So I get even.  My mantra is simple.
Places to go.  People to annoy. 


John G. Lawless
2/10/2013

Submitted to
Things that Annoy Me contest

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